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[1] Dialogue With Anyone Using Customs or Changing Times to Alter Muslim Spousal Roles

Written by Abdullah Jallow on . Posted in Contemporary Issues, Family & Women, Fatawa-Rulings, Marriage (Nikkah), Methodology - 'Manhaj', Morals and Manners - 'Akhlaaq', Purification of The Soul, Refutations, Scholars of Islam, Worship - 'Ibaadah'.

In The Name of Allah, The Most Merciful, The Bestower of Mercy.

The First Admonition and Clarification

Imam Abdul Azeez Bin Baz, may Allah have mercy upon him, said:

“It is obligated to every Muslim that he does not depend on custom; rather he presents it to the pure Islamic legislation, so whatever the Islamic legislation affirms is permissible and whatever it does not affirm is impermissible. The customs of the people are not proof to determine the lawfulness of anything. All the customs of the people in their countries or tribes must be presented to the Book of Allah and the Sunnah of His Messenger, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, for judgement, then whatever Allah and His Messenger made permissible is permissible, and whatever they forbid, it is obligatory to abandon it even if it is the custom of the people”. [1]

The Imam, may Allah have mercy upon him, also said:

“Let every Muslim be careful of being deceived by the great numbers, whilst saying, “Indeed, the people have become such and such, and have become accustomed to such and such, so I am with them”. This is a great calamity, for indeed many people of the past were destroyed due to this. Therefore, O sensible one! It is obligated to you to examine yourself, take account of yourself and adhere to the truth, even if the people abandon it. Beware of what Allah has forbidden, even if the people do it, for indeed the truth is more worthy of being followed, just as Allah, The Most High, said: [وَإِنْ تُطِعْ أَكْثَرَ مَنْ فِي الْأَرْضِ يُضِلُّوكَ عَنْ سَبِيلِ اللَّه ِ -And if you obey most of those on earth, they will mislead you far away from Allah’s Path. [Surah Al An’am Ayah 116]

And Allah, The Most High, said: [ وَمَآ أَڪۡثَرُ ٱلنَّاسِ وَلَوۡ حَرَصۡتَ بِمُؤۡمِنِينَ-And most of mankind will not believe even if you desire it eagerly]. [Surah Yusuf Ayah 103] [2]

Al-Allamah Muqbil Bin Haadee Al-Wadi’ee, may Allah have mercy upon him, said:

If numbers are the scale through which you judge, then the majority are mostly blameworthy; and if persuasive speech and eloquence is the scale through which you judge, then indeed Allah described the Munaafiqoon that they have tongues that utter beautiful speech. Allah said: [وَإِن يَقُولُواْ تَسۡمَعۡ لِقَوۡلِهِمۡ – And when they speak, you listen to their words]. [Surah Al-Munaafiqoon. Ayah 4]

Therefore, what is given consideration is that one knows the people of truth by their characteristics – that they call to the Book of Allah and the Sunnah of Allah’s Messenger, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, his family, and companions, and they neither desire reward from the people nor seeking to be thanked. [3]

To be continued InShaAllah

[1] Majmu Al-Fataawaa 6/510

[2] An Excerpt from ‘Majmu Al-Fataawaa 12/ 412-416

[3] قم المعاند – 2/547

Insights From a Famous Hadith of Hudaifah – By Allamah Salih Al-Fawzan

Written by Abdullah Jallow on . Posted in Aqeedah, Aqeedah (Creed & Belief), Basics, Bid'ah (Innovation), Brotherhood, Contemporary Issues, Da'wah - Calling To Islam, Death, Featured, Fitnah, History of Islam, Innovations In Islam (Bidah), Jahannam (Hell Fire), Jannah (Paradise), Marriage (Nikkah), Methodology - 'Manhaj', Monotheism - Tawheed, Morals and Manners - 'Akhlaaq', Pearls of Wisdom, Purification of The Soul, Qur'aan, Refutations, Repentance, Sahaabah, Salaf As Saalih (Pious Predecessors), Scholars of Islam, Seeking Knowledge, Shirk, Sin, The Salaf - Pious Predecessors, Worship - 'Ibaadah'.

In The Name of Allah, The Most Merciful, The Bestower of Mercy.

Al-Allamah Salih Al-Fawzan, may Allah preserve him, said:

All praise and thanks be to Allah, Lord of the worlds, and may Allāh’s peace and blessings be upon our Prophet Muhammad, his family and his companions.  To proceed: Indeed, the hadith that will be addressed – in this lecture – is the hadith of Hudhaifah Bin Al-Yaman, may Allah be pleased with him. He said: 

People used to ask Allah’s Messenger, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, about the good times, but I used to ask him about bad times fearing lest they overtake me.  I said, “O Messenger of Allah! We were in a state of pre-Islamic ignorance and evil, and then Allah brought us this good (time through Islam), is there any evil time after this good one?” He said, “Yes” I asked, “Will there be a good time again after that evil?” He said, “Yes, but therein will be a hidden evil”. I asked, “What will be the evil hidden therein?” He said, “People who will follow ways other than mine and seek guidance other than mine. You will know (their) good points as well as (their) bad points”. I asked, “Will there be an evil time after this good one?” He said, “Yes, when there will be people standing and inviting at the gates of Hell. Whosoever responds to their call they will throw them into the fire”. I said, “O Messenger of Allah! Describe them for us”. He said, “They will be a people having the same complexion as ours and speaking our language”. I said, “O Messenger of Allah! What would you suggest if I happened to live in that time?” He said, “You should stick to the main body of the Muslims and their leader”. I said, “If they have no main body and no leader?” He said, “Separate yourself from all these factions, though you may have to eat the roots of trees (in a jungle) until death comes to you and you are in this state”. [Bukhari and Muslim…. The wording of the above is that of Imam Muslim]

PDF Link

Lesson_From_a_Famous_Hadith of Hudaifah_By Mufti_Al_Allamah_Salih Al_Fawzan

 

Beauty is in the Eye of the Beholder, But Marriage Thrives Through Affection…

Written by Abdullah Jallow on . Posted in Marriage (Nikkah), Methodology - 'Manhaj', Morals and Manners - 'Akhlaaq', Purification of The Soul, Scholars of Islam, Worship - 'Ibaadah'.

In The Name of Allah, The Most Merciful, The Bestower of Mercy

Beauty in the Eye of the Beholder, But Marriage Thrives Through Affection, and Compassion Within The Boundaries of Obedience to Allah—Not Lust

Looking at The One Proposed For Marriage

Abu Hurayrah, may Allah be pleased with him] said, “I was with the Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, when a man came and told him that he had married a woman of the Ansar. Allah’s Messenger [peace and blessings of Allah be upon him] said to him, ‘Have you seen her?’ He said, ‘No’. He said, ‘Go and look at her, because there is something in the eyes of the Ansar’”. [Sahih Muslim. Number 1424]

Regarding the statement, “Because there is something in the eyes of the Ansar”, Imam An-Nawawi, may Allah have mercy upon him, said, “It is said that the intent behind this is Small-eyed and it is said that it is Bleary-eyed”. (1)

Mughirah Bin Shubah, may Allah be pleased with him] said, “I came to the Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, and told him of a woman to whom I had to propose marriage. He said, ‘Go and look at her, because that is more likely to create love between you.’ So, I went to a woman among the Ansar and proposed marriage through her parents. I told them what the Prophet had said, and it was as if they did not like that. Then I heard that woman behind her curtain, saying, ‘If the Messenger of Allah has told you to do that, then do it, otherwise I adjure you by Allah (not to do so)’. And it was as if she regarded that as a serious matter. So I looked at her and married her.” And he (Mugheerah) mentioned how well he got along with her. (2)

After seeing the one you want to marry and decide to go ahead because she is beautiful in your eyes as beauty is in the eye of the beholder, then ask Allah sincerely to place genuine love, compassion, mercy and respect between you, as Allah, The Most High, said:

وَمِنْ آيَاتِهِ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُم مِّنْ أَنفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَاجًا لِّتَسْكُنُوا إلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُم مَّوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً إنَّ فِي ذَلِكَ لآيَاتٍ لِّقَوْمٍ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ

And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect. [Ar-Rum. 21]

Allah, The Exalted, said: [وَٱلَّذِينَ يَقُولُونَ رَبَّنَا هَبۡ لَنَا مِنۡ أَزۡوَٲجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّـٰتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعۡيُنٍ۬ وَٱجۡعَلۡنَا لِلۡمُتَّقِينَ إِمَامًا – And those who say: Our Lord! Bestow on us from our wives and our offspring who will be the comfort of our eyes, and make us leaders for the pious]. [Al-Furqaan. 74]

Imam Ibn Al-Qayyim, may Allah have mercy upon him, said: They ask Allah to grant them the comfort of the eye by making their wives and offspring obedient to Allah, and to grant them happiness in their hearts due to being followed by the righteous in obedience and servitude to Allah. That is because a trustworthy leader in the religion co-operates upon obedience (to Allah and His Messenger), and that is to call to (sound) leadership in the religion, whose foundation is patience and certainty, as Allah [The Most High] said:

[ وَجَعَلۡنَا مِنۡہُمۡ أَٮِٕمَّةً۬ يَہۡدُونَ بِأَمۡرِنَا لَمَّا صَبَرُواْ‌ۖ وَڪَانُواْ بِـَٔايَـٰتِنَا يُوقِنُونَ – And We made from among them (Children of Israel), leaders, giving guidance under Our Command, when they were patient and used to believe with certainty in Our Ayat (proofs, evidences, verses, lessons, signs, revelations, etc.). Therefore, in their supplication -[in Surah Al-Furqan Ayah 74]- to Allah that He makes them leaders of the righteous people, is that Allah guides them, grants them success, bless them with beneficial knowledge and righteous actions- outwardly and inwardly – without which (sound) leadership in the religion cannot be achieved”. (3)

Marriage is not lust and the woman is not just pleasure and enjoyment – By Al-Allamah Abdul Azeez Aala Shaikh- may Allah have mercy upon him.

The noble Sheikh, the Mufti of the committee of major scholars in Saudi Arabia, Sheikh Abdul Aziz ibn Abdullah Aali Shaikh declared that marriage is not just about lust and fulfilling the desires rather it is security and living together and stability.

And the noble Sheikh said: Some of the Muslims have an incorrect understanding about marriage, understanding it in a way other than its reality. Some of them have an understanding that marriage is simply about fulfilling their desires, so although they might implement the legislated marriage contract, their intention with this marriage is not stability nor commitment rather he marries and in himself he is planning to divorce her, meaning he knows in himself that he will marry her for a specific time period even if he does not mention this or disclose this.

So he marries her due to his desire for her not to have serenity and peace of mind with her, but he only counts her as just a simple pleasure; so he’s always on the verge of divorcing her and bringing in someone other than her. So he is a husband and at the same time he mixes this with the intention of divorce. And he does not want from the woman anything other than pleasure.

This is deception to the woman and dishonesty and misleading her; and if a man came to his daughter or his sister and he knew that he did not want her except for this purpose he would not allow him to marry her, but when it comes to other peoples daughters he does whatever he wants.

And all of this is from deception and dishonesty and fraud and betrayal. And for this reason Islam has prohibited temporary marriage; and this is to marry for an estimated number of days for an agreed upon specific duration. Therefore this was made impermissible due to the harms that it contains.

And the Sheikh said: So what the person does not like for his daughters then he should not like it for the daughters of the Muslims.

And the Sheikh said: And some of the people might travel to places in order to find marriage for a specific number of days or months and he thinks this is a marriage contract and all of this is trivial to him, so he falls into sin.

And there are some who marry a number of women before (the other women he divorced) finish their waiting period. So he will merge the marriage to more than ten women in one month without any concern for the Islamic legislated contract.

And the Mufti said: The Muslim must have good judgment and he should not let his goal be to fulfill his desire in a way that is not in accordance with the Islamic legislation. And he must adorn himself with the manners of Islam, and he must look at other peoples daughters just like he looks at his own daughters and his own sisters, and he should put people in the position that he likes to be in.

Therefore if the person believes it allowable to do evil to the daughters of others and to not comply with the Islamic standard and then he does not want this same evil for his daughters; then why this discrepancy? Where is the balance, where is the justice?

Unfortunately, there are some Muslims who make permissible that which Allah has made impermissible so in a matter of days they marry a number of women, all with the intention of divorce, seeking by this to gain some benefit (from the wife) in the summer or the winter or other than this, and Islam prohibits this. Therefore Islam wants for us to be well-balanced in our contracts and to put others in the position of our daughters and our sisters and to be truthful in our dealings.

And the Sheikh said: And some of them go and travel and get married against the normal system and then they fall into sin or serious situations and perhaps they might abandon their wives or leave them and not return to them after they have become pregnant or given birth to his child, so this exposes the Muslim descendants to danger. And some of them don’t care about their wives or their children so major problems occur as a result of this treacherous marriage. (4)

The Perils of Unrestrained Desires

Imam Ibn Al-Jawzi, may Allah have mercy upon him] said: know that (unrestrained or forbidden) desires urges a person towards immediate pleasures without him pondering upon its evil consequences- urges him towards short-lived pleasures, even though it is a cause of pain and harm in this life and a barrier to pleasure in the afterlife. As for a sensible person, he keeps away from pleasures whose result will be pain and those desires whose end result will be regret. This is enough as praise regarding what sound intellect necessitates and a rebuke against uncontrolled desires.

A sensible person should know that those who are addicted to lowly desires reach a state in which they no longer enjoy themselves, but at the same time they are unable to abandon those desires, because it becomes as if it is a necessity of life. And due to this, you’ll find that alcoholics and sex addicts do not even enjoy a tenth of those desires, but they put themselves in a perilous situation that compels them to keep on returning to the act. However, if- based on clear-sightedness- the (false) beautification of those lowly desires cease, a person realise that he has exposed himself to some ruin that is contrary to wellbeing, a situation of grief instead of happiness, whilst seeking after pleasure; so, he resembles an animal that was led to a trap- neither reached the thing that was utilised to lure it into the trap nor is it able to escape. A person should ponder upon the fact that a human being was not created to fulfil desires; rather he was facilitated (with sound knowledge based on the divine revelation and uncorrupted perception) to reflect on the consequences of his actions and perform righteous deeds for the Afterlife. An animal receives pleasure through eating, drinking and sex much more than a human being, whilst living a life devoid of reflection and concern. Therefore, it is drawn towards its desires due to being ignorant of the outcomes of its actions (i.e. it does not possess the knowledge given to humans through sound reasoning and reflection guided by the divine revelation). (5)

Imam Ibn Al-Qayyim, may Allah have mercy upon him] said: Whoever is given strength and facilitated (with the means) to something, his pleasure will be found in utilising that strength. Whoever is granted the strength to have sexual relations, he will find pleasure in utilising his strength in it. Whoever is given strength to become angry and overcome (others), he will utilise the strength of his anger to (obtain what he desires). Whoever is given the strength to eat and drink, his pleasure will be found in utilising his strength in (eating and drinking). Whoever is given the strength to (pursue) knowledge and understanding, his pleasure will be found in utilising his strength and directing it towards knowledge. Whoever is given strength in (having) love for Allah, turning to Allah in repentance, submission and obedience, being devoted to Allah (sincerely with one’s) heart, having an ardent desire (to please, obey and meet Allah) and (desiring to come close to Allah, be recognised and loved by Allah etc), he will find his pleasure and bliss in utilising this strength in that. All these pleasures will dwindle and disappear, except this one (i.e. love of Allah etc). (6)

[Ref 1: Sharh Saheeh Muslim. Vol 9. page 179. Publisher. Dar Kutub Al-Ilmiyyah. 1st Edition 1421AH (Year 2000)]

[Ref 2: Saheeh Ibn Maajah 1866]

[Ref 3: An Excerpt from ‘Ar-Rooh’ pages 487-489. slightly paraphrased]

[Ref 4: http://www.salafitalk.net/st/viewmessages.cfm?Forum=29&Topic=6408

[Ref 5: An Excerpt from Dhammul Hawaa’ pages 36-38. Slightly paraphrased]

[Ref 6: Al-Fawaa’id 121-122. Slightly paraphrased]

The Comprehensive Message

Written by Abdullah Jallow on . Posted in Aqeedah, Aqeedah (Creed & Belief), Basics, Bid'ah (Innovation), Brotherhood, Charity (Sadaqah), Contemporary Issues, Da'wah - Calling To Islam, Death, Deviated Groups, Sects and Parties, Eid, Family & Women, Fasting, Hajj, Dhul Hijjah, Eid al Adha, Hijrah (Migration), History of Islam, Innovations In Islam (Bidah), Islamic Jurisprudence - 'Fiqh', Jahannam (Hell Fire), Jannah (Paradise), Literature, Marriage (Nikkah), Mental Health, Methodology - 'Manhaj', Monotheism - Tawheed, Morals and Manners - 'Akhlaaq', Muharram and Ashoorah, Pearls of Wisdom, Prophets, Purification of The Soul, Qur'aan, Ramadhan, Refutations, Repentance, Sahaabah, Salaah - Prayer, Salaf As Saalih (Pious Predecessors), Salafi Mosques & Centres, Scholars of Islam, Seeking Knowledge, Shirk, Sin, Tamyee', Taraweeh, The Salaf - Pious Predecessors, Worship - 'Ibaadah', Zakaat, Zuhd (Abstinence).

In The Name of Allah, The Most Merciful, The Bestower of Mercy. 

Imam Ibn Al-Qayyim, may Allah have mercy upon him, said:

Muhammad’s, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, Ummah is not in need of anyone after him; rather the only need they have is someone to convey what he came with.

Muhammad’s message is comprehensive, universal and preserved. This universality, comprehensiveness and preservation is not limited to (any time, place or situation), rather it is comprehensive for those to whom Muhammad was sent [the whole world] and likewise with regards to everything that is needed in the fundamental and subsidiary issues of the religion.

Muhammad’s message is sufficient, all embracing and universal- nothing else is needed besides it. It has not isolated any affair of truth needed by his Ummah in their sciences and deeds. The Messenger of Allah did not leave this world until he acquainted his Ummah with everything. He even taught them the etiquettes of using the toilet; the etiquettes of sexual relations; the etiquettes of sleep and after waking up; the etiquettes of eating, drinking and travel.

He acquainted them with the etiquettes of speech and silence; the etiquettes of keeping company with the people and seclusion. He acquainted them with the affairs of illness, good health, poverty and wealth. He acquainted them with all the affairs of life and death. He described Allah’s throne, the angels, the jinn, the hell fire and the day of judgement in such a manner as if one has seen them with the naked eye. He informed them about their Lord and His Perfect Names and Attributes, and that Allah alone is their true object of worship.

He acquainted them with the Prophets of old and their nations – the events that took place between them and their nations – in such a manner as if one was present at that time. He acquainted them with all the means to good and the paths of evil- in general and in detail- which no other prophet informed his nation. He acquainted them with death and what will take place in the grave – either bliss or punishment. He acquainted them with the evidences and proofs of Tawhid [i.e. the oneness of Allah in His Lordship, Names and Attributes, and that Allah alone has the right to be worshipped].

He acquainted them with Prophet hood and the affairs of the Afterlife, and he refuted all the sects of disbelief and misguidance. He acquainted them with war strategies- how to confront the enemy, the way to achieve victory and conquests. If only they knew and understood these affairs in the correct manner [i.e. the manner it should be understood], they would not be overcome by their enemy. He acquainted them with the plots of Iblees and the ways through which he approaches them, and the ways to repel those plots and plans. He acquainted them with the soul- its characteristics and faults- in such a manner that they are not in need of anyone else to tell them about it. He taught them how to live their daily lives and had they acknowledged and acted upon this; their worldly affairs would be firmly established. He brought them all the means of success in this life and the next, and they do not need anyone besides him. So how can it be said that the path of Muhammad is in need of something else outside of it. The reason for such a claim is due to the weak and little understanding of a person. Allah [The Most High] said:

أَوَلَمْ يَكْفِهِمْ أَنَّا أَنزَلْنَا عَلَيْكَ الْكِتَابَ يُتْلَىٰ عَلَيْهِمْ ۚ إِنَّ فِي ذَٰلِكَ لَرَحْمَةً وَذِكْرَىٰ لِقَوْمٍ يُؤْمِنُونَ

Is it not sufficient for them that We have sent down to you the Book (the Qur’an) which is recited to them? Verily, herein is mercy and a reminder (or an admonition) for a people who believe.

Allah [The Most High] said:

وَنَزَّلْنَا عَلَيْكَ الْكِتَابَ تِبْيَانًا لِّكُلِّ شَيْءٍ وَهُدًى وَرَحْمَةً وَبُشْرَىٰ لِلْمُسْلِمِينَ

And We have sent down to you the Book (the Qur’an) as an exposition of everything, a guidance, a mercy, and glad tidings for those who have submitted themselves (to Allah as Muslims).

Allah [The Most High] said:

يَا أَيُّهَا النَّاسُ قَدْ جَاءَتْكُم مَّوْعِظَةٌ مِّن رَّبِّكُمْ وَشِفَاءٌ لِّمَا فِي الصُّدُورِ وَهُدًى وَرَحْمَةٌ لِّلْمُؤْمِنِينَ

O mankind! There has come to you a good advice from your Lord (i.e. the Qur’an, ordering all that is good and forbidding all that is evil), and a healing for that (disease of ignorance, doubt, hypocrisy and differences, etc.) in your breasts, – a guidance and a mercy (explaining lawful and unlawful things, etc.) for the believers.

An Excerpt from I’lam Al-Muwaqqi’een 4/375-377

Few words from a spouse can mean a lot!

Written by Salafi Dawah Manchester on . Posted in Contemporary Issues, Family & Women, Marriage (Nikkah), Morals and Manners - 'Akhlaaq'.

In The Name of Allah, The Most Merciful, The Bestower of Mercy.

I thank Allah for all the blessings in my life, and you are among the most cherished of those gifts—a steadfast and loyal spouse. You are the other parent of my dear children and a constant source of support through both joyful and challenging times, by Allah’s grace. Like a vibrant tree, you have nurtured our family with deep roots that unite us all. In your comforting presence, I find determination when facing challenges and a moment of reassurance by the Tawfiq of Allah. I ask Allah the Almighty to bestow His mercy and blessings upon you, my devoted companion and friend. I also ask Allah to shield us from the schemes of shaytan, who relentlessly tries to disrupt the bond between those who love each other for His sake… Aameen.

The Comprehensive, All-Encompassing and Universal Message

Written by Abdullah Jallow on . Posted in Aqeedah, Aqeedah (Creed & Belief), Basics, Bid'ah (Innovation), Brotherhood, Charity (Sadaqah), Contemporary Issues, Da'wah - Calling To Islam, Death, Deviated Groups, Sects and Parties, Eid, Fasting, Hajj, Dhul Hijjah, Eid al Adha, Hijrah (Migration), History of Islam, Innovations In Islam (Bidah), Islamic Jurisprudence - 'Fiqh', Jahannam (Hell Fire), Jannah (Paradise), Khawaarij, Literature, Marriage (Nikkah), Mental Health, Methodology - 'Manhaj', Monotheism - Tawheed, Morals and Manners - 'Akhlaaq', Muharram and Ashoorah, Prophets, Purification of The Soul, Qur'aan, Ramadhan, Refutations, Repentance, Salaah - Prayer, Seeking Knowledge, Shi'a, Shirk, Sin, Sufis, Taraweeh, Worship - 'Ibaadah', Zakaat, Zuhd (Abstinence).

Imam Ibn Al-Qayyim, may Allah have mercy upon him, said:

The Ummah of Muhammad, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, does not require anyone after him; their sole necessity is for someone to convey his teachings. The message of Muhammad is all-encompassing, universal, and (perfectly) preserved. This universality, comprehensiveness, and preservation are not confined to any (specific time, place, or circumstance); instead, they extend to all those to whom Muhammad was sent, as well as addressing all the fundamental and subsidiary matters of the religion.

Muhammad’s message is sufficient, all-encompassing, and universal—there is no requirement for anything beyond it. It has addressed every aspect of truth necessary for his Ummah in their knowledge and actions. Allah’s Messenger, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, did not depart from this world without imparting to his Ummah all that they needed to know. He taught them the etiquettes of using the toilet, sexual relations, the etiquettes of sleep and waking, eating, drinking, and traveling. He acquainted them with the etiquettes of speech and silence; the etiquettes of keeping company with the people and seclusion. He acquainted them with matters regarding illness, good health, poverty and wealth, and all matters regarding life and death.

He described Allah’s throne, the angels, the jinn, the fire of hell, and the Day of Judgment in a way that made them feel as though they were witnessing these realities with the naked eye. He conveyed knowledge about their Lord, His Perfect Names and Attributes, emphasising that Allah is the only One who deserves their worship. He acquainted them with the ancient Prophets and their respective nations- the events that transpired between them as if one were witnessing those moments firsthand. He informed them of all the avenues leading to righteousness and the various paths of wrongdoing, both broadly and specifically, in a manner that no other prophet had conveyed to his people. He acquiainted them with death and will take place in the grave, whether they be of joy or torment. Additionally, he presented the evidences and proofs of Tawhid (pure Islamic Monotheism). He acquainted them with Prophethood and the matters concerning the Afterlife, while also countering all factions of disbelief and misguidance. He acquainted them with war strategies- how to confront the enemy, the way to achieve victory and conquests. If they were aware of and comprehended these matters appropriately, they would not be defeated by their adversary.

He acquainted them with the schemes of Iblees, the methods by which he seeks to influence them, and the strategies to counteract those schemes and plans. He acquainted them with the soul- its characteristics and faults- in such a manner that they are not in need of anyone else to tell them about it.

He instructed them on how to navigate their everyday existence, and had they recognized and implemented his teachings, their worldly matters would have been securely established. He provided them with all the means necessary for success in both this life and the hereafter, rendering them independent of any other guidance. Therefore, it is unfounded to assert that the path of Muhammad requires any external support. Such claims stem from a limited and insufficient understanding on the part of the individual. Allah said:

أَوَلَمْ يَكْفِهِمْ أَنَّا أَنزَلْنَا عَلَيْكَ الْكِتَابَ يُتْلَىٰ عَلَيْهِمْ ۚ إِنَّ فِي ذَٰلِكَ لَرَحْمَةً وَذِكْرَىٰ لِقَوْمٍ يُؤْمِنُونَ

Is it not sufficient for them that We have sent down to you the Book (the Qur’an) which is recited to them? Verily, herein is mercy and a reminder (or an admonition) for a people who believe. [29:51]

Allah [The Most High] said:
وَنَزَّلْنَا عَلَيْكَ الْكِتَابَ تِبْيَانًا لِّكُلِّ شَيْءٍ وَهُدًى وَرَحْمَةً وَبُشْرَىٰ لِلْمُسْلِمِينَ

And We have sent down to you the Book (the Qur’an) as an exposition of everything, a guidance, a mercy, and glad tidings for those who have submitted themselves (to Allah as Muslims)]. [16:89]

Allah [The Most High] said:
يَا أَيُّهَا النَّاسُ قَدْ جَاءَتْكُم مَّوْعِظَةٌ مِّن رَّبِّكُمْ وَشِفَاءٌ لِّمَا فِي الصُّدُورِ وَهُدًى وَرَحْمَةٌ لِّلْمُؤْمِنِينَ

O mankind! There has come to you a good advice from your Lord [i.e. the Qur’an, ordering all that is good and forbidding all that is evil], and a healing for that [disease of ignorance, doubt, hypocrisy and differences, etc.] in your breasts, – a guidance and a mercy [explaining lawful and unlawful things, etc.] for the believers. [10:57]

An Excerpt from “i’lam al-muwaqqi’in 4/375-377

Still Love Your Wife or Find Her Attractive After So Many Years?!

Written by Abdullah Jallow on . Posted in Basics, Family & Women, Marriage (Nikkah), Methodology - 'Manhaj', Morals and Manners - 'Akhlaaq', Pearls of Wisdom, Purification of The Soul, Qur'aan, Scholars of Islam, Uncategorized, Worship - 'Ibaadah'.

In The Name of Allah, The Most Merciful, The Bestower of Mercy.

Neither Husbands Nor Wives Are Perfect

Allah, The Exalted, says:

فَإِن كَرِهۡتُمُوهُنَّ فَعَسَىٰٓ أَن تَكۡرَهُواْ شَيۡـًٔ۬ا وَيَجۡعَلَ ٱللَّهُ فِيهِ خَيۡرً۬ا ڪَثِيرً۬ا 

If you dislike them (i.e. your wives), it may be that you dislike a thing and Allah brings through it a great deal of good]. [An-Nisa. 19]

Imam Ibn Al-Qayyim, may Allah have mercy upon him, said:

A person may harbour a dislike for a woman based on a particular characteristic, despite the presence of a great deal of good in maintaining the relationship, but he does not know. He may love a woman due to one of her characteristics, while maintaining the relationship would bring considerable evil but he does not know. The human being is as it has been described by his Creator: “Verily, he (man) was unjust (to himself) and ignorant (of its results). [Al-Ahzab 72]

It is therefore unbefitting that he places his love, aversion and hatred as a standard for determining what is beneficial or harmful to him. Instead, the true measure lies in the commandments and prohibitions that Allah has ordained for him. The most beneficial course of action – without exception – for him is to obey his Lord, both in outward conduct and his inner self (thoughts). The most detrimental actions for him are those of disobedience to his Lord, both in outward conduct and his inner self. Should he commit to sincere obedience and servitude to Allah, he will find that even the disliked things he encounters are better for him; whereas, if he turns away from such obedience, everything he loves is bad for him. Therefore, one who possesses sound knowledge regarding his Lord, along with knowledge of the Names and Attributes of his Lord, recognises with certainty that there are significant benefits and advantages hidden within the trials and adversities he faces, which he may not be able to fully comprehend through mere knowledge and reflection. In fact, the benefits and welfare available to a servant of Allah in what he detests far exceed those found in what he loves. [Al-Fawaa’id: page: 145]

Looking at The One Proposed For Marriage and Beauty Is In The Eye of The Beholder

Abu Hurayrah, may Allah be pleased with him, said, “I was with the Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, when a man came and told him that he had married a woman of the Ansaar. Allah’s Messenger [peace and blessings of Allah be upon him] said to him, ‘Have you seen her?’ He said, ‘No’. He said, ‘Go and look at her, because there is something in the eyes of the Ansaar'”. [Sahih Muslim. 1424]

Regarding the statement, “Because there is something in the eyes of the Ansaar”, Imam An-Nawawi, may Allah have mercy upon him, said, “It is said that the intent behind this is Small-eyed and it is said that it is Bleary-eyed”. (1)

Mughirah Bin Shubah, may Allah be pleased with him, said, “I came to the Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, and told him of a woman to whom I had to propose marriage. He said, ‘Go and look at her, because that is more likely to create love between you.’ So, I went to a woman among the Ansar and proposed marriage through her parents. I told them what the Prophet had said, and it was as if they did not like that. Then I heard that woman behind her curtain, saying, ‘If the Messenger of Allah has told you to do that, then do it, otherwise I adjure you by Allah (not to do so)’. And it was as if she regarded that as a serious matter. So I looked at her and married her.” And he (Mughirah) mentioned how well he got along with her. (2)

After seeing the one you want to marry and decide to go ahead because she is beautiful in your eyes as beauty is in the eye of the beholder, then ask Allah sincerely to place genuine love, compassion, mercy and respect between you, as Allah [The Most High] said:

وَمِنْ آيَاتِهِ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُم مِّنْ أَنفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَاجًا لِّتَسْكُنُوا إلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُم مَّوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً إنَّ فِي ذَلِكَ لآيَاتٍ لِّقَوْمٍ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ

And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect. [Ar-Rum. 21]

Allah, The Exalted, says: [وَٱلَّذِينَ يَقُولُونَ رَبَّنَا هَبۡ لَنَا مِنۡ أَزۡوَٲجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّـٰتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعۡيُنٍ۬ وَٱجۡعَلۡنَا لِلۡمُتَّقِينَ إِمَامًا – And those who say: Our Lord! Bestow on us from our wives and our offspring who will be the comfort of our eyes, and make us leaders for the pious]. [Al-Furqan. 74]

Imaam Ibn Al-Qayyim, may Allah have mercy upon him, said, “They ask Allah to grant them the comfort of the eye by making their wives and offspring obedient to Allah, and to grant them happiness in their hearts due to being followed by the righteous in obedience and servitude to Allah. That is because a trustworthy leader in the religion co-operates upon obedience (to Allah and His Messenger), and that is to call to (sound) leadership in the religion, whose foundation is patience and certainty, as Allah, The Most High, says:

[ وَجَعَلۡنَا مِنۡہُمۡ أَٮِٕمَّةً۬ يَہۡدُونَ بِأَمۡرِنَا لَمَّا صَبَرُواْ‌ۖ وَڪَانُواْ بِـَٔايَـٰتِنَا يُوقِنُونَ – And We made from among them (Children of Israel), leaders, giving guidance under Our Command, when they were patient and used to believe with certainty in Our Ayat (proofs, evidences, verses, lessons, signs, revelations, etc.). Thus, in their supplication -[in Surah Al-Furqan verse 74]- to Allah that He makes them leaders of the righteous people, is that Allah guides them, grants them success, bless them with beneficial knowledge and righteous actions- outwardly and inwardly – without which (sound) leadership in the religion cannot be achieved”. (3)

Then strive to live your life based on the guidance of the infallible Qur’an and Sunnah, return to them – in all your affairs – and to the upright scholars and elders in all circumstances. Strive to know your wife’s character and let your household be that of mercy, sincere advice and harmony. Aa’isha, may Allah be pleased with her, narrated that Allah’s Messenger, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, said to her, “O Aa’isha! Be gentle, for indeed when Allah wishes good for a household, He guides them to gentleness”.

Al-Allamah Zaid Bin Hadi Al-Mad’khali, may Allah have mercy upon him] said, “This hadeeth contains proof regarding the fact that it is obligatory to give sincere advice and the first people one should give sincere advice is the members of the household- the wives, sons, daughters and others. Also this hadeeth contains proof regarding the virtue of gentleness in all affairs, for indeed gentleness is not found in any affair except that it beautifies it, and it is not removed from anything except that it damages it. On the other hand, the opposite of gentleness is warn against and it is the harshness that is applied in other than its rightful place, because its end result will be alienation and disharmony”. (4)

Aa’isha, may Allah be pleased with her, narrated that Allah’s Messenger, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, said to her, “I know when you are pleased with me or angry with me”. I said, “When do you know that?” He said, “When you are pleased with me, you say, ‘No, by the Lord of Muhammad,’ but when you are angry with me, then you say, ‘No, by the Lord of Abrahim.’ ” Thereupon I said, “Yes, (certainly, you are right); but by Allah, O Allah’s Messenger, I do not leave anything else besides your name”.

Benefits From This Hadeeth

A man’s thorough observation regarding the state of a woman due to her action, speech, inclination or lack of inclination towards him based on indications, because the Prophet [peace and blessings of Allah be upon him] firmly determined Aa’isha’s happiness or anger merely when she mentioned or refrain from mentioning his name; therefore, he judged the two situations based on the mention or the absence of a mention of his name as an indication of happiness or anger. It can also be definitely the case that there is something more explicit regarding this affair, but he did not say it.

And regarding the statement of Aa’isha, “Yes (certainly, you are right); but by Allah, O Allah’s Messenger, I do not leave anything else besides your name”. At-Teebee said, “This is a very subtle way of making an exception, because she related that when she is in a state of anger – a state in which a sane person loses his senses by choice, her affirmed love for the Messenger does not change.

Ibn Al-Muneer said, “What Aa’isha intended is that she left out the wording of the Prophet’s name but her heart’s pure love and affection towards the noble person of the Prophet does not leave her.

With regards to the choice Aa’isha made to use Prophet Ibrahim’s, peace be upon him, name instead of the other Prophet’s, this is proof regarding her intelligence because the Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, is the one with the best claim to Ibrahim just as Allah stated in the Qur’an. Therefore, when she had no other way of leaving a noble name, she replaced it with the name of someone who is from the one whose name she left out, so that her heart does not exit the boundaries of that attachment. (5)

This is what we ask Allah for even when our wives are not happy with us due to some misunderstanding or disagreement – still loving us just as we love them regardless of their physical appearance after they’ve gone past the age of youth – forty and above. They are the ones who carried our children, whilst enduring great and severe difficulty during pregnancy, then the great difficulty of childbirth, breast feeding and baby-sitting. These difficulties -as Imam As Sadi stated – did not only last for a short period, an hour or two; rather its time period was thirty months. And in most cases the period of pregnancy is nine months or (a bit less or more), and then breast feeding during the remaining months after childbirth. (a) It would be enough to respect our wives and appreciate their patience after witnessing a single child birth! The one who bore this severe pain to deliver our beloved children deserves to be looked at with great admiration, compassion and respect- an affair that should be given paramount importance over that outward beauty that is no longer the same as when she was younger; and in addition to this, why do we not ask ourselves whether they still find us attractive after our youth has elapsed?! Marriage is not lust and the woman is not just pleasure and enjoyment! https://salafidawahmanchester.com/2014/06/13/reminder-marriage-is-not-lust-and-the-woman-is-not-just-pleasure-and-enjoyment/

The wives who gave birth to our beloved children, nieces, nephews and grand children, and took care of them; guard our wealth and honour, guard their chastity and honour, indeed none asks – with amazement – whether their husbands still find them attractive after years of marriage, sacrifice and patience, except an ingrate- one who neither fully understands the real purpose of marriage and companionship nor what beauty is in reality. The Prophet [peace and blessings of Allah be upon him] said, “He who does not thank the people is not thankful to Allah”. (6)

Imam Abdul Azeez Bin Baz, may Allah have mercy upon him, stated about this hadeeth: “Whoever – from his traits and character – does not thank people for their good behaviour and kindness towards him, then he is not thankful to Allah due to his evil and rough behaviour, because indeed he is most likely in such a situation not to thank Allah. Therefore, that which is obligated on a believer is to be thankful to the one who does good to him among his relatives and others. And just as it is obligated on him to thank Allah for the good bestowed on him, it is also obligated on him to thank the people for their good behaviour and kindness towards him. Allah [جل وعلا] loves that His servants thank those who are good to them and that they return good with good. The Prophet [peace and blessings of Allah be upon him] said, “Whoever does good to you, pay him back. If you cannot find something to give in return, then supplicate for him until he sees that you have indeed repaid him”. (7) And due to this, it is legislated for the believer (in the Shariah) to supplicate for the one who supplicates for him, respond with kindness to the one who did good to him, commend him with good in return for his kindness to him and do good to him. This is from good manners and good deeds”. (8)

Indeed, these women are a blessing and only a fool gets bored with Allah’s blessings, as Imam Ibn Al-Qayyim stated, “One of the common hidden afflictions is when a person has a blessing bestowed on him by Allah; but he becomes bored with it, seeks to do away with it, and – due to ignorance- turns to what he claims is better for him than it. His Lord – out of Mercy- does not remove him from that blessing- excuses him for his ignorance and the bad choice he makes for himself, until he becomes fed up with the blessing, angered and dissatisfied due to it, and being fed up becomes firmly established; then Allah takes it away from him. After turning to what he sought after and then see the difference between the state he used to be in as opposed to his affair at present, his anxiety and regret intensifies, so he seeks to return to the state he was in. There is nothing more harmful to the servant than being fed up with Allah’s blessings, because neither does he see it as a blessing nor thank Allah him for it, nor rejoice regarding it; but rather it angers him. He complains and considers it a calamity, even though it is one of Allah’s greatest blessings conferred on him. The majority of the people are enemies of Allah’s blessings and they do not realise the blessings Allah has made available at their disposal, whilst striving to repel and reject them out of ignorance and wrongdoing. And how numerous a blessing is granted to one of them, whilst he is eager to strive his hardest to repel it! And how much reaches him while he was eager to repel and remove it due to his injustice and ignorance! Allah [The Exalted] says:

[ذَٲلِكَ بِأَنَّ ٱللَّهَ لَمۡ يَكُ مُغَيِّرً۬ا نِّعۡمَةً أَنۡعَمَهَا عَلَىٰ قَوۡمٍ حَتَّىٰ يُغَيِّرُواْ مَا بِأَنفُسِہِمۡ‌ۙ – That is so because Allah will never change a grace which He has bestowed on a people until they change what is in their ownselves]. [Al-Anfal. 53]

Allah, The Exalted, says: [إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ لَا يُغَيِّرُ مَا بِقَوۡمٍ حَتَّىٰ يُغَيِّرُواْ مَا بِأَنفُسِہِمۡ‌ۗ – Verily! Allah will not change the good condition of a people as long as they do not change their state of goodness themselves (by committing sins and by being ungrateful and disobedient to Allah)]. [Surah Rad. Verse 11]

There is not a greater enemy against a blessing than the soul that (whispers evil to the person), because he overcomes himself together with his enemy. His enemy throws fire on his blessings while he blows on it – enables him to throw fire and then helps him to blow it. (9)

We ask Allah to preserve our wives for us and preserve us for them, overlook our shortcomings and bestow abundant mercy upon us, our parents and families. We ask Allah to include us amongst those who are grateful and thankful to Him and the people Aameen.

a: Tafseer Surah Al-Ahqaaf, Aayah 15

[1]: Sharh Saheeh Muslim. Vol 9. page 179. Publisher. Dar Kutub Al-Ilmiyyah. 1st Edition 1421AH (Year 2000)]

[2]: Saheeh Ibn Maajah 1866]

[3]: An Excerpt from ‘Ar-Rooh’ pages 487-489. slightly paraphrased]

[4]: At-ta’leeqaat Al-Maleehah Alaa Silsilah Al-Ahaadeeth As-Saheehah. Vol 1 page 277. Slightly paraphrased]

[5]: An Excerpt from Fat-hul Baari Sharh Saheeh Al-Bukhaari Hadeeth 5228. Vol 9, Pages 404- 405. Slightly paraphrased. Publisher. Daarus Salaam. 1st Edition 1421AH [Year 2000]

[6]: Sunan Abu Dawud. Number 4811]

[7]: Declared Saheeh By Imaam Al-Albaanee in ‘Irwaa al-Ghaleel. Number 1617]

[8]:https://binbaz.org.sa/fatwas/15472/%D8%A7%D9%84%D8%AD%D9%83%D9%85-%D8%B9%D9%84%D9%89-%D8%AD%D8%AF%D9%8A%D8%AB-%D9%85%D9%86-%D9%84%D8%A7-%D9%8A%D8%B4%D9%83%D8%B1-%D8%A7%D9%84%D9%86%D8%A7%D8%B3-%D9%88%D9%85%D8%B9%D9%86%D8%A7%D9%87 paraphrased]

[9]: Al-Fawaa’id 259-260.]

Reminder to Our Sons Regarding Our Precious and Noble Daughters-In-Law

Written by Abdullah Jallow on . Posted in Da'wah - Calling To Islam, Family & Women, Marriage (Nikkah), Morals and Manners - 'Akhlaaq', Purification of The Soul, Worship - 'Ibaadah'.

In The Name of Allaah, The Most Merciful, The Bestower of Mercy.

Allaah [The Exalted] said: [وَهُوَ الَّذِي خَلَقَ مِنَ الْمَاءِ بَشَرًا فَجَعَلَهُ نَسَبًا وَصِهْرًا وَكَانَ رَبُّكَ قَدِيرًا – And it is He Who has created man from water, and has appointed for him kindred by blood, and kindred by marriage. And your Lord is Ever All-Powerful to do what He will]. [Surah Al-Furqan. Aayah 54]

The Love Between Husband and Wife

Allaah (The Most High) said:

وَمِنْ آيَاتِهِ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُم مِّنْ أَنفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَاجًا لِّتَسْكُنُوا إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُم مَّوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً ۚ إِنَّ فِي ذَٰلِكَ لَآيَاتٍ لِّقَوْمٍ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ

And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect. [Surah Ar-Rum. Aayah 21]

Imaam As-Sadi [may Allaah have mercy upon him] stated: “In most cases, you will not find love in anyone similar to the love and mercy between a husband and wife”. [Tafseer As-Sadi]

The Messenger [peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him] said, “There is nothing like marriage for two who love one another” – Meaning, there is no bond like that bond between two people in marriage who love one another, for if they are married and love is present between them, it will increase in strength every day. (1)

Imaam Muhammad Ibn Saalih Al-Uthaymeen [may Allaah have mercy upon him] said: If a person says: “What will make a man love his wife and vice versa?” We say: Allaah has clarified this in His statement: [وَعَاشِرُوهُنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ – And live with them honourably]. [Surah An-Nisaa. Aayah 19] If every person lives with his wife honourably and vice versa, then love, a strong bond and a happy married life will be established. (2)

The Blessing of Gentleness In The Households

Jareer Ibn Abdullah [may Allaah be pleased with him] reported that the Prophet [peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him] said, “Verily, Allah [The Mighty and Majestic] rewards for gentleness that which He does not give insolence. If Allah loves a servant, He grants him the quality of gentleness. No household is deprived of kindness, except that they have been truly deprived”. (3)

Aa’Isha [may Allaah be pleased with her] narrated that Allaah’s Messenger [peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him] said to her, “O Aa’Isha! Be gentle, for indeed when Allaah wishes good for a household, He guides them to gentleness”. Al-Allaamah Zaid Bin Haadi Al-Mad’khali [may Allaah have mercy upon him] said, “This hadeeth contains proof regarding the fact that it is obligatory to give sincere advice and the first people one should give sincere advice is the members of the household- the wives, sons, daughters and others. Also this hadeeth contains proof regarding the virtue of gentleness in all affairs, for indeed gentleness is not found in any affair except that it beautifies it, and it is not removed from anything except that it damages it. On the other hand, the opposite of gentleness is warn against and it is the harshness that is applied in other than its rightful place, because its end result will be alienation and disharmony”. (4)

A Man’s Knowledge Regarding The Feelings of His Wife In different Situations, Whilst Sincere Love And Respect Is Maintained Between Them: https://salafidawahmanchester.com/2020/09/13/a-mans-knowledge-regarding-the-feelings-of-his-wife-in-different-situations-whilst-sincere-love-and-respect-is-maintained-between-them/

 

Satan hates the good relationship between husband and wife

Jaabir [may Allaah be pleased with him] narrated that Allaah’s Messenger [peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him]said: Iblis places his throne upon water; he then sends detachments [for creating dissension]; the nearer to him in rank are those who are most notorious in creating dissension. One of them comes and says: I did so and so. And he says: You have done nothing. Then one amongst them comes and says: I did not spare so and so until I sowed the seed of discord between a husband and a wife. The Satan goes near him and says: ‘You have done well. A’mash said: He then embraces him. [Saheeh Muslim. Number:2813]

Imaam Ibnul Qayyim [may Allaah have mercy upon him] stated: “And because of the fact that this bond (between husband and wife) is from the most beloved affairs to Allaah and His Messenger, it is from the most hated affairs to the enemy of Allaah [i.e. shaytaan]. Therefore he hastens to split two people who love another for the sake of Allaah”. (5)

Welcome O Noble daughters-in-law! Daughters of noble generous fathers and forbearing mothers who gave you in marriage to our sons. You’ve left beloved fathers, mothers, brothers and sisters to be in the company of our sons, therefore, it is incumbent upon us to welcome you with open arms and preserve you like precious pearls. May Allaah bless you for being another source of increased happiness and joy in our lives. We ask Allaah by His Greatest Name to grant you and our sons happiness, steadfastness, love and compassion Aameen.

And we say to our sons: your fathers are not infallible, therefore, never copy their mistakes in the name of manliness; rather, know that the Sunnah is the only source of happiness, success and upright conduct. Imaam Sufyaan Ibn Uyaynah [may Allaah have mercy upon him] used to say, “Indeed, the Messenger [peace and blessings of allaah be upon him] is the greatest criterion (i.e. amongst mankind and Jinn) and all affairs are presented to him (i.e. for judgement and judged) based on his manners, path and guidance; so whatever is in agreement with this is truth, and whatever is in opposition is falsehood”. (6)

Never copy our mistakes in the name of “My father used to do such and such” because success is not found in following fathers and forefathers upon error. May Allaah make you and your wives Mubaarak wherever you maybe Aameen.

[Ref 1: Reported by Imaam Ibn Maajah 2/153. Hadeeth Number: 1847. Declared Authentic by Imaam Albaanee in As-Saheehah 2/196. Sharh Sunan Ibn Maajah by As-Sindee (rahimahullaah)… Hadeeth Number 1847’ Book of Marriage- Chapter: The Excellence of Marriage]

[Ref 2: Fataawaa Noor Alad-Darb 6/29]

[Ref 3: Saheeh At-Targheeb. Number 2666]

[Ref 4: At-ta’leeqaat Al-Maleehah Alaa Silsilah Al-Ahaadeeth As-Saheehah. Vol 1 page 277. Slightly paraphrased]

[Ref 5: Rawdatul Muhibbeen. Page 188]

[Ref 6: Al-Jaami Li-Akhlaaq Ar-Raawi Wa Aadaab As-Saami’  page 8]

 

Love and Affection Are Not Synonymous With Desire For Sexual Relations

Written by Abdullah Jallow on . Posted in Contemporary Issues, Family & Women, Marriage (Nikkah), Morals and Manners - 'Akhlaaq', Pearls of Wisdom, Purification of The Soul, Scholars of Islam, Sin, Worship - 'Ibaadah'.

In The Name of Allaah, The Most Merciful, The Bestower of Mercy

Looking at The One Proposed For Marriage

Abu Hurayrah [may Allaah be pleased with him] said, “I was with the Prophet [peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him] when a man came and told him that he had married a woman of the Ansaar. Allaah’s Messenger [peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him] said to him, ‘Have you seen her?’ He said, ‘No’. He said, ‘Go and look at her, because there is something in the eyes of the Ansaar’”. [Saheeh Muslim. Number 1424]

Regarding the statement, “Because there is something in the eyes of the Ansaar”, Imaam An-Nawawi [may Allaah have mercy upon him] said, “It is said that the intent behind this is Small-eyed and it is said that it is Bleary-eyed”. (1)

Mughirah Bin Shubah [may Allaah be pleased with him] said, “I came to the Prophet [peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him] and told him of a woman to whom I had to propose marriage. He said, ‘Go and look at her, because that is more likely to create love between you.’ So, I went to a woman among the Ansar and proposed marriage through her parents. I told them what the Prophet had said, and it was as if they did not like that. Then I heard that woman behind her curtain, saying, ‘If the Messenger of Allah has told you to do that, then do it, otherwise I adjure you by Allah (not to do so)’. And it was as if she regarded that as a serious matter. So I looked at her and married her.” And he (Mugheerah) mentioned how well he got along with her. (2)

After seeing the one you want to marry and decide to go ahead because she is beautiful in your eyes as beauty is in the eye of the beholder, then ask Allaah sincerely to place genuine love, compassion, mercy and respect between you, as Allaah [The Most High] said:

وَمِنْ آيَاتِهِ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُم مِّنْ أَنفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَاجًا لِّتَسْكُنُوا إلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُم مَّوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً إنَّ فِي ذَلِكَ لآيَاتٍ لِّقَوْمٍ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ

And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect. [Surah Ar-Rum. Aayah 21]

Allaah [The Exalted] said: [وَٱلَّذِينَ يَقُولُونَ رَبَّنَا هَبۡ لَنَا مِنۡ أَزۡوَٲجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّـٰتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعۡيُنٍ۬ وَٱجۡعَلۡنَا لِلۡمُتَّقِينَ إِمَامًا – And those who say: Our Lord! Bestow on us from our wives and our offspring who will be the comfort of our eyes, and make us leaders for the pious]. [Surah Al-Furqaan. Aayah 74]

Imaam Ibnul Qayyim [may Allaah have mercy upon him] said, “They ask Allaah to grant them the comfort of the eye by making their wives and offspring obedient to Allaah, and to grant them happiness in their hearts due to being followed by the righteous in obedience and servitude to Allaah. That is because a trustworthy leader in the religion co-operates upon obedience (to Allaah and His Messenger), and that is to call to (sound) leadership in the religion, whose foundation is patience and certainty, as Allaah [The Most High] said:

[ وَجَعَلۡنَا مِنۡہُمۡ أَٮِٕمَّةً۬ يَہۡدُونَ بِأَمۡرِنَا لَمَّا صَبَرُواْ‌ۖ وَڪَانُواْ بِـَٔايَـٰتِنَا يُوقِنُونَ – And We made from among them (Children of Israel), leaders, giving guidance under Our Command, when they were patient and used to believe with certainty in Our Ayat (proofs, evidences, verses, lessons, signs, revelations, etc.). Therefore, in their supplication -[in Surah Al-Furqaan Ayah 74]- to Allaah that He makes them leaders of the righteous people, is that Allaah guides them, grants them success, bless them with beneficial knowledge and righteous actions- outwardly and inwardly – without which (sound) leadership in the religion cannot be achieved”. (3)

Marriage is not lust and the woman is not just pleasure and enjoyment – By Shaikh Abdul Azeez Aala Shaikh [may Allaah preserve him]

The noble Sheikh, the Mufti of the committee of major scholars in Saudi Arabia, Sheikh Abdul Aziz ibn Abdullah Aali Shiekh declared that marriage is not just about lust and fulfilling the desires rather it is security and living together and stability.

And the noble Sheikh said: Some of the Muslims have an incorrect understanding about marriage, understanding it in a way other than its reality. Some of them have an understanding that marriage is simply about fulfilling their desires, so although they might implement the legislated marriage contract, their intention with this marriage is not stability nor commitment rather he marries and in himself he is planning to divorce her, meaning he knows in himself that he will marry her for a specific time period even if he does not mention this or disclose this.

So he marries her due to his desire for her not to have serenity and peace of mind with her, but he only counts her as just a simple pleasure; so he’s always on the verge of divorcing her and bringing in someone other than her. So he is a husband and at the same time he mixes this with the intention of divorce. And he does not want from the woman anything other than pleasure.

This is deception to the woman and dishonesty and misleading her; and if a man came to his daughter or his sister and he knew that he did not want her except for this purpose he would not allow him to marry her, but when it comes to other peoples daughters he does whatever he wants.

And all of this is from deception and dishonesty and fraud and betrayal. And for this reason Islam has prohibited temporary marriage; and this is to marry for an estimated number of days for an agreed upon specific duration. Therefore this was made impermissible due to the harms that it contains.

And the Sheikh said: So what the person does not like for his daughters then he should not like it for the daughters of the Muslims.

And the Sheikh said: And some of the people might travel to places in order to find marriage for a specific number of days or months and he thinks this is a marriage contract and all of this is trivial to him, so he falls into sin.

And there are some who marry a number of women before (the other women he divorced) finish their waiting period. So he will merge the marriage to more than ten women in one month without any concern for the Islamic legislated contract.

And the Mufti said: The Muslim must have good judgment and he should not let his goal be to fulfill his desire in a way that is not in accordance with the Islamic legislation. And he must adorn himself with the manners of Islam, and he must look at other peoples daughters just like he looks at his own daughters and his own sisters, and he should put people in the position that he likes to be in.

Therefore if the person believes it allowable to do evil to the daughters of others and to not comply with the Islamic standard and then he does not want this same evil for his daughters; then why this discrepancy? Where is the balance, where is the justice?

Unfortunately, there are some Muslims who make permissible that which Allah has made impermissible so in a matter of days they marry a number of women, all with the intention of divorce, seeking by this to gain some benefit (from the wife) in the summer or the winter or other than this, and Islam prohibits this. Therefore Islam wants for us to be well-balanced in our contracts and to put others in the position of our daughters and our sisters and to be truthful in our dealings.

And the Sheikh said: And some of them go and travel and get married against the normal system and then they fall into sin or serious situations and perhaps they might abandon their wives or leave them and not return to them after they have become pregnant or given birth to his child, so this exposes the Muslim descendants to danger. And some of them dont care about their wives or their children so major problems occur as a result of this treacherous marriage. (4)

The Perils of Unrestrained Desires

Imaam Ibnul Jawzi [may Allaah have mercy upon him] said: know that (unrestrained or forbidden) desires urges a person towards immediate pleasures without him pondering upon its evil consequences- urges him towards short-lived pleasures, even though it is a cause of pain and harm in this life and a barrier to pleasure in the afterlife. As for a sensible person, he keeps away from pleasures whose result will be pain and those desires whose end result will be regret. This is enough as praise regarding what sound intellect necessitates and a rebuke against uncontrolled desires.

A sensible person should know that those who are addicted to lowly desires reach a state in which they no longer enjoy themselves, but at the same time they are unable to abandon those desires, because it becomes as if it is a necessity of life. And due to this, you’ll find that alcoholics and sex addicts do not even enjoy a tenth of those desires, but they put themselves in a perilous situation that compels them to keep on returning to the act. However, if- based on clear-sightedness- the (false) beautification of those lowly desires cease, a person realise that he has exposed himself to some ruin that is contrary to wellbeing, a situation of grief instead of happiness, whilst seeking after pleasure; so, he resembles an animal that was led to a trap- neither reached the thing that was utilised to lure it into the trap nor is it able to escape. A person should ponder upon the fact that a human being was not created to fulfil desires; rather he was facilitated (with sound knowledge based on the divine revelation and uncorrupted perception) to reflect on the consequences of his actions and perform righteous deeds for the Afterlife. An animal receives pleasure through eating, drinking and sex much more than a human being, whilst living a life devoid of reflection and concern. Therefore, it is drawn towards its desires due to being ignorant of the outcomes of its actions (i.e. it does not possess the knowledge given to humans through sound reasoning and reflection guided by the divine revelation). (5)

Imaam Ibnul Qayyim [may Allaah have mercy upon him] said: Whoever is given strength and facilitated (with the means) to something, his pleasure will be found in utilising that strength. Whoever is granted the strength to have sexual relations, he will find pleasure in utilising his strength in it. Whoever is given strength to become angry and overcome (others), he will utilise the strength of his anger to (obtain what he desires). Whoever is given the strength to eat and drink, his pleasure will be found in utilising his strength in (eating and drinking). Whoever is given the strength to (pursue) knowledge and understanding, his pleasure will be found in utilising his strength and directing it towards knowledge. Whoever is given strength in (having) love for Allaah, turning to Allaah in repentance, submission and obedience, being devoted to Allaah (sincerely with one’s) heart, having an ardent desire (to please, obey and meet Allaah) and (desiring to come close to Allaah, be recognised and loved by Allaah etc), he will find his pleasure and bliss in utilising this strength in that. All these pleasures will dwindle and disappear, except this one (i.e. love of Allaah etc). (6)

[Ref 1: Sharh Saheeh Muslim. Vol 9. page 179. Publisher. Dar Kutub Al-Ilmiyyah. 1st Edition 1421AH (Year 2000)]

[Ref 2: Saheeh Ibn Maajah 1866]

[Ref 3: An Excerpt from ‘Ar-Rooh’ pages 487-489. slightly paraphrased]

[Ref 4: http://www.salafitalk.net/st/viewmessages.cfm?Forum=29&Topic=6408

[Ref 5: An Excerpt from Dhammul Hawaa’ pages 36-38. Slightly paraphrased]

[Ref 6: Al-Fawaa’id 121-122. Slightly paraphrased]