Sensible Private Conversation Between Three Salafi Brothers of Different Age Groups

April 13, 2026 | Abdullah Jallow | Basics, Brotherhood, Contemporary Issues, Featured, Morals and Manners – ‘Akhlaaq’

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

In The Name of Allah, The Most Merciful, The Bestower of Mercy.

Etiquette in Private Conversations: Sensible Private Conversation Between Three Salafi Brothers of Different Age Groups

Imam As-Sadi, may Allah have mercy upon him, said:

Make humility the sign by which you are recognised when you sit with the people, fear of Allah should be your protection, and providing guidance to Allah’s servants should be a habit. Be eager to (make) every meeting in which you sit one of goodness–either research into areas of knowledge or religious matters; either directing (others) to a general or specific beneficial affair, mentioning Allah’s blessings or mentioning the superior status of praiseworthy manners and good etiquettes, or warning against that which is detrimental to the well-being of one’s religious or worldly (affairs).

Behave well with the young, the elderly, and your peers. Respect the person who deserves to be acknowledged and respected and treat each of them in the manner they deserve. Even if your speech is about worldly (affairs), use acceptable and good language to put your congregation at ease. Through the meetings of the people, the sensible and determined person accomplishes abundant goodness, and he becomes more beloved to them. This is because he approaches the people with what they approve and statements they desire (i.e. good), and the cornerstone for this is success in seizing control of all affairs presented before them. And these matters become more emphasised on a journey because sitting together is prolonged during a journey and the travellers need someone who revives their hearts with good statements, news of events, and jokes if all of that is true and not too much, and to assist them with the essential affairs of travel. And Allah is the One Who bestows success. [1]

The conversation revolved around wholesome, truthful speech accompanied by statements or expressions that may appear very harsh, coarse, or disrespectful. Thus, it diverts listeners from the objective and main subject matter of the discussion. The first one said:

Fulan’s speech is clear and true, but in my humble opinion it’s somewhat harsh and the tone may appear disrespectful to others. Even though I am aware of circumstances surrounding such expressions, my worry is that those unaware of the complete reality or are emotionally connected to the one being addressed may overlook the facts due to the tone of the speech.”

The second one said:

In my opinion, those words are milder compared to what others have said. I think at least all expressions should be compared before making a final judgement, instead of focusing all scrutiny and criticism on one.

The third one said:

The choice of words can be very difficult sometimes, depending on the situation and the experiences of the speaker or writer, and as we know, no one is infallible; rather, the only one given precision in speech is the final Messenger, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him. Sometimes words shock the listeners more than the truth it conveys. Sometimes the language can be so soft that one wonders whether the speaker intends to speak the truth or is attempting to appease the wrongdoer, whereas he is just being careful. At other times, general statements make everyone cautious of impending harm, so it serves a good purpose. As for harsh speech or one that may appear confrontational, this has taken place between great scholars who desired nothing else but the truth. Read on this link:https://salafidawahmanchester.com/2024/09/26/the-encounter-of-two-renowned-grammarians-ibn-taymiyyah-and-abu-hayyan/

Now what remains in my humble opinion —just as everyone else— we must strive our best to weigh our words carefully. However, regardless of how much we try, our expressions will always be deficient. This always happens after speaking to someone, or when someone contacts you to raise issues—either to say that the words were too soft – in that WhatsApp Group – for the occasion or a bit harsh. And with regards to how one approaches the upright speakers who are known for sound creed and methodology—and this is far removed from Muwazanah, or as some try to say, “taking the good and leaving the evil” in order to listen to Ahlul Bidah or attend their gatherings—as long as the speaker’s speech is correct, backed by clear proofs, and does not oppose the principles of the religion, then even if he sounds coarse, harsh, or appears disrespectful in some aspects, I do my best not to be diverted emotionally and strive to separate the facts from the expression. If I have access to the speaker, either directly or through someone else, I convey my agreement with what is correct without compromise and express my concerns regarding the expression or tone, but I never allow the tone to divert others around me from the facts. Today I came across this Ayah in the morning – a brief Fa’idah from Imam As-Sadi. Allah, The

Most High, said:

الَّذِينَ يَسْتَمِعُونَ الْقَوْلَ فَيَتَّبِعُونَ أَحْسَنَهُ

Those who listen to the Word and follow the best thereof. [Az-Zumar 18]

Imam As-Sadi, may Allah have mercy upon him, said:

وهذا جنس يشمل كل قول فهم يستمعون جنس القول ليميزوا بين ما ينبغي إيثاره مما ينبغي اجتنابه، فلهذا من حزمهم وعقلهم أنهم يتبعون أحسنه، وأحسنه على الإطلاق كلام اللّه وكلام رسوله،

This type includes every speech. They listen to the (specific) speech in order to distinguish between what is befitting (or allowed) to be given precedence and what is befitting to be be avoided. Due to this, from their prudence and intelligence is that they follow the best of it, and the best of all speech – without exception – is Allah’s Speech and the speech of His Messenger. [2]

We ask Allah: