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Still Love Your Wife or Find Her Attractive After So Many Years?!

Written by Abdullah Jallow on . Posted in Basics, Family & Women, Marriage (Nikkah), Methodology - 'Manhaj', Morals and Manners - 'Akhlaaq', Pearls of Wisdom, Purification of The Soul, Qur'aan, Scholars of Islam, Uncategorized, Worship - 'Ibaadah'.

In The Name of Allah, The Most Merciful, The Bestower of Mercy.

Neither Husbands Nor Wives Are Perfect

Allah, The Exalted, says:

فَإِن كَرِهۡتُمُوهُنَّ فَعَسَىٰٓ أَن تَكۡرَهُواْ شَيۡـًٔ۬ا وَيَجۡعَلَ ٱللَّهُ فِيهِ خَيۡرً۬ا ڪَثِيرً۬ا 

If you dislike them (i.e. your wives), it may be that you dislike a thing and Allah brings through it a great deal of good]. [An-Nisa. 19]

Imam Ibn Al-Qayyim, may Allah have mercy upon him, said:

A person may harbour a dislike for a woman based on a particular characteristic, despite the presence of a great deal of good in maintaining the relationship, but he does not know. He may love a woman due to one of her characteristics, while maintaining the relationship would bring considerable evil but he does not know. The human being is as it has been described by his Creator: “Verily, he (man) was unjust (to himself) and ignorant (of its results). [Al-Ahzab 72]

It is therefore unbefitting that he places his love, aversion and hatred as a standard for determining what is beneficial or harmful to him. Instead, the true measure lies in the commandments and prohibitions that Allah has ordained for him. The most beneficial course of action – without exception – for him is to obey his Lord, both in outward conduct and his inner self (thoughts). The most detrimental actions for him are those of disobedience to his Lord, both in outward conduct and his inner self. Should he commit to sincere obedience and servitude to Allah, he will find that even the disliked things he encounters are better for him; whereas, if he turns away from such obedience, everything he loves is bad for him. Therefore, one who possesses sound knowledge regarding his Lord, along with knowledge of the Names and Attributes of his Lord, recognises with certainty that there are significant benefits and advantages hidden within the trials and adversities he faces, which he may not be able to fully comprehend through mere knowledge and reflection. In fact, the benefits and welfare available to a servant of Allah in what he detests far exceed those found in what he loves. [Al-Fawaa’id: page: 145]

Looking at The One Proposed For Marriage and Beauty Is In The Eye of The Beholder

Abu Hurayrah, may Allah be pleased with him, said, “I was with the Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, when a man came and told him that he had married a woman of the Ansaar. Allah’s Messenger [peace and blessings of Allah be upon him] said to him, ‘Have you seen her?’ He said, ‘No’. He said, ‘Go and look at her, because there is something in the eyes of the Ansaar'”. [Sahih Muslim. 1424]

Regarding the statement, “Because there is something in the eyes of the Ansaar”, Imam An-Nawawi, may Allah have mercy upon him, said, “It is said that the intent behind this is Small-eyed and it is said that it is Bleary-eyed”. (1)

Mughirah Bin Shubah, may Allah be pleased with him, said, “I came to the Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, and told him of a woman to whom I had to propose marriage. He said, ‘Go and look at her, because that is more likely to create love between you.’ So, I went to a woman among the Ansar and proposed marriage through her parents. I told them what the Prophet had said, and it was as if they did not like that. Then I heard that woman behind her curtain, saying, ‘If the Messenger of Allah has told you to do that, then do it, otherwise I adjure you by Allah (not to do so)’. And it was as if she regarded that as a serious matter. So I looked at her and married her.” And he (Mughirah) mentioned how well he got along with her. (2)

After seeing the one you want to marry and decide to go ahead because she is beautiful in your eyes as beauty is in the eye of the beholder, then ask Allah sincerely to place genuine love, compassion, mercy and respect between you, as Allah [The Most High] said:

وَمِنْ آيَاتِهِ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُم مِّنْ أَنفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَاجًا لِّتَسْكُنُوا إلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُم مَّوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً إنَّ فِي ذَلِكَ لآيَاتٍ لِّقَوْمٍ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ

And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect. [Ar-Rum. 21]

Allah, The Exalted, says: [وَٱلَّذِينَ يَقُولُونَ رَبَّنَا هَبۡ لَنَا مِنۡ أَزۡوَٲجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّـٰتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعۡيُنٍ۬ وَٱجۡعَلۡنَا لِلۡمُتَّقِينَ إِمَامًا – And those who say: Our Lord! Bestow on us from our wives and our offspring who will be the comfort of our eyes, and make us leaders for the pious]. [Al-Furqan. 74]

Imaam Ibn Al-Qayyim, may Allah have mercy upon him, said, “They ask Allah to grant them the comfort of the eye by making their wives and offspring obedient to Allah, and to grant them happiness in their hearts due to being followed by the righteous in obedience and servitude to Allah. That is because a trustworthy leader in the religion co-operates upon obedience (to Allah and His Messenger), and that is to call to (sound) leadership in the religion, whose foundation is patience and certainty, as Allah, The Most High, says:

[ وَجَعَلۡنَا مِنۡہُمۡ أَٮِٕمَّةً۬ يَہۡدُونَ بِأَمۡرِنَا لَمَّا صَبَرُواْ‌ۖ وَڪَانُواْ بِـَٔايَـٰتِنَا يُوقِنُونَ – And We made from among them (Children of Israel), leaders, giving guidance under Our Command, when they were patient and used to believe with certainty in Our Ayat (proofs, evidences, verses, lessons, signs, revelations, etc.). Thus, in their supplication -[in Surah Al-Furqan verse 74]- to Allah that He makes them leaders of the righteous people, is that Allah guides them, grants them success, bless them with beneficial knowledge and righteous actions- outwardly and inwardly – without which (sound) leadership in the religion cannot be achieved”. (3)

Then strive to live your life based on the guidance of the infallible Qur’an and Sunnah, return to them – in all your affairs – and to the upright scholars and elders in all circumstances. Strive to know your wife’s character and let your household be that of mercy, sincere advice and harmony. Aa’isha, may Allah be pleased with her, narrated that Allah’s Messenger, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, said to her, “O Aa’isha! Be gentle, for indeed when Allah wishes good for a household, He guides them to gentleness”.

Al-Allamah Zaid Bin Hadi Al-Mad’khali, may Allah have mercy upon him] said, “This hadeeth contains proof regarding the fact that it is obligatory to give sincere advice and the first people one should give sincere advice is the members of the household- the wives, sons, daughters and others. Also this hadeeth contains proof regarding the virtue of gentleness in all affairs, for indeed gentleness is not found in any affair except that it beautifies it, and it is not removed from anything except that it damages it. On the other hand, the opposite of gentleness is warn against and it is the harshness that is applied in other than its rightful place, because its end result will be alienation and disharmony”. (4)

Aa’isha, may Allah be pleased with her, narrated that Allah’s Messenger, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, said to her, “I know when you are pleased with me or angry with me”. I said, “When do you know that?” He said, “When you are pleased with me, you say, ‘No, by the Lord of Muhammad,’ but when you are angry with me, then you say, ‘No, by the Lord of Abrahim.’ ” Thereupon I said, “Yes, (certainly, you are right); but by Allah, O Allah’s Messenger, I do not leave anything else besides your name”.

Benefits From This Hadeeth

A man’s thorough observation regarding the state of a woman due to her action, speech, inclination or lack of inclination towards him based on indications, because the Prophet [peace and blessings of Allah be upon him] firmly determined Aa’isha’s happiness or anger merely when she mentioned or refrain from mentioning his name; therefore, he judged the two situations based on the mention or the absence of a mention of his name as an indication of happiness or anger. It can also be definitely the case that there is something more explicit regarding this affair, but he did not say it.

And regarding the statement of Aa’isha, “Yes (certainly, you are right); but by Allah, O Allah’s Messenger, I do not leave anything else besides your name”. At-Teebee said, “This is a very subtle way of making an exception, because she related that when she is in a state of anger – a state in which a sane person loses his senses by choice, her affirmed love for the Messenger does not change.

Ibn Al-Muneer said, “What Aa’isha intended is that she left out the wording of the Prophet’s name but her heart’s pure love and affection towards the noble person of the Prophet does not leave her.

With regards to the choice Aa’isha made to use Prophet Ibrahim’s, peace be upon him, name instead of the other Prophet’s, this is proof regarding her intelligence because the Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, is the one with the best claim to Ibrahim just as Allah stated in the Qur’an. Therefore, when she had no other way of leaving a noble name, she replaced it with the name of someone who is from the one whose name she left out, so that her heart does not exit the boundaries of that attachment. (5)

This is what we ask Allah for even when our wives are not happy with us due to some misunderstanding or disagreement – still loving us just as we love them regardless of their physical appearance after they’ve gone past the age of youth – forty and above. They are the ones who carried our children, whilst enduring great and severe difficulty during pregnancy, then the great difficulty of childbirth, breast feeding and baby-sitting. These difficulties -as Imam As Sadi stated – did not only last for a short period, an hour or two; rather its time period was thirty months. And in most cases the period of pregnancy is nine months or (a bit less or more), and then breast feeding during the remaining months after childbirth. (a) It would be enough to respect our wives and appreciate their patience after witnessing a single child birth! The one who bore this severe pain to deliver our beloved children deserves to be looked at with great admiration, compassion and respect- an affair that should be given paramount importance over that outward beauty that is no longer the same as when she was younger; and in addition to this, why do we not ask ourselves whether they still find us attractive after our youth has elapsed?! Marriage is not lust and the woman is not just pleasure and enjoyment! https://salafidawahmanchester.com/2014/06/13/reminder-marriage-is-not-lust-and-the-woman-is-not-just-pleasure-and-enjoyment/

The wives who gave birth to our beloved children, nieces, nephews and grand children, and took care of them; guard our wealth and honour, guard their chastity and honour, indeed none asks – with amazement – whether their husbands still find them attractive after years of marriage, sacrifice and patience, except an ingrate- one who neither fully understands the real purpose of marriage and companionship nor what beauty is in reality. The Prophet [peace and blessings of Allah be upon him] said, “He who does not thank the people is not thankful to Allah”. (6)

Imam Abdul Azeez Bin Baz, may Allah have mercy upon him, stated about this hadeeth: “Whoever – from his traits and character – does not thank people for their good behaviour and kindness towards him, then he is not thankful to Allah due to his evil and rough behaviour, because indeed he is most likely in such a situation not to thank Allah. Therefore, that which is obligated on a believer is to be thankful to the one who does good to him among his relatives and others. And just as it is obligated on him to thank Allah for the good bestowed on him, it is also obligated on him to thank the people for their good behaviour and kindness towards him. Allah [جل وعلا] loves that His servants thank those who are good to them and that they return good with good. The Prophet [peace and blessings of Allah be upon him] said, “Whoever does good to you, pay him back. If you cannot find something to give in return, then supplicate for him until he sees that you have indeed repaid him”. (7) And due to this, it is legislated for the believer (in the Shariah) to supplicate for the one who supplicates for him, respond with kindness to the one who did good to him, commend him with good in return for his kindness to him and do good to him. This is from good manners and good deeds”. (8)

Indeed, these women are a blessing and only a fool gets bored with Allah’s blessings, as Imam Ibn Al-Qayyim stated, “One of the common hidden afflictions is when a person has a blessing bestowed on him by Allah; but he becomes bored with it, seeks to do away with it, and – due to ignorance- turns to what he claims is better for him than it. His Lord – out of Mercy- does not remove him from that blessing- excuses him for his ignorance and the bad choice he makes for himself, until he becomes fed up with the blessing, angered and dissatisfied due to it, and being fed up becomes firmly established; then Allah takes it away from him. After turning to what he sought after and then see the difference between the state he used to be in as opposed to his affair at present, his anxiety and regret intensifies, so he seeks to return to the state he was in. There is nothing more harmful to the servant than being fed up with Allah’s blessings, because neither does he see it as a blessing nor thank Allah him for it, nor rejoice regarding it; but rather it angers him. He complains and considers it a calamity, even though it is one of Allah’s greatest blessings conferred on him. The majority of the people are enemies of Allah’s blessings and they do not realise the blessings Allah has made available at their disposal, whilst striving to repel and reject them out of ignorance and wrongdoing. And how numerous a blessing is granted to one of them, whilst he is eager to strive his hardest to repel it! And how much reaches him while he was eager to repel and remove it due to his injustice and ignorance! Allah [The Exalted] says:

[ذَٲلِكَ بِأَنَّ ٱللَّهَ لَمۡ يَكُ مُغَيِّرً۬ا نِّعۡمَةً أَنۡعَمَهَا عَلَىٰ قَوۡمٍ حَتَّىٰ يُغَيِّرُواْ مَا بِأَنفُسِہِمۡ‌ۙ – That is so because Allah will never change a grace which He has bestowed on a people until they change what is in their ownselves]. [Al-Anfal. 53]

Allah, The Exalted, says: [إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ لَا يُغَيِّرُ مَا بِقَوۡمٍ حَتَّىٰ يُغَيِّرُواْ مَا بِأَنفُسِہِمۡ‌ۗ – Verily! Allah will not change the good condition of a people as long as they do not change their state of goodness themselves (by committing sins and by being ungrateful and disobedient to Allah)]. [Surah Rad. Verse 11]

There is not a greater enemy against a blessing than the soul that (whispers evil to the person), because he overcomes himself together with his enemy. His enemy throws fire on his blessings while he blows on it – enables him to throw fire and then helps him to blow it. (9)

We ask Allah to preserve our wives for us and preserve us for them, overlook our shortcomings and bestow abundant mercy upon us, our parents and families. We ask Allah to include us amongst those who are grateful and thankful to Him and the people Aameen.

a: Tafseer Surah Al-Ahqaaf, Aayah 15

[1]: Sharh Saheeh Muslim. Vol 9. page 179. Publisher. Dar Kutub Al-Ilmiyyah. 1st Edition 1421AH (Year 2000)]

[2]: Saheeh Ibn Maajah 1866]

[3]: An Excerpt from ‘Ar-Rooh’ pages 487-489. slightly paraphrased]

[4]: At-ta’leeqaat Al-Maleehah Alaa Silsilah Al-Ahaadeeth As-Saheehah. Vol 1 page 277. Slightly paraphrased]

[5]: An Excerpt from Fat-hul Baari Sharh Saheeh Al-Bukhaari Hadeeth 5228. Vol 9, Pages 404- 405. Slightly paraphrased. Publisher. Daarus Salaam. 1st Edition 1421AH [Year 2000]

[6]: Sunan Abu Dawud. Number 4811]

[7]: Declared Saheeh By Imaam Al-Albaanee in ‘Irwaa al-Ghaleel. Number 1617]

[8]:https://binbaz.org.sa/fatwas/15472/%D8%A7%D9%84%D8%AD%D9%83%D9%85-%D8%B9%D9%84%D9%89-%D8%AD%D8%AF%D9%8A%D8%AB-%D9%85%D9%86-%D9%84%D8%A7-%D9%8A%D8%B4%D9%83%D8%B1-%D8%A7%D9%84%D9%86%D8%A7%D8%B3-%D9%88%D9%85%D8%B9%D9%86%D8%A7%D9%87 paraphrased]

[9]: Al-Fawaa’id 259-260.]

Reminder to Our Sons Regarding Our Precious and Noble Daughters-In-Law

Written by Abdullah Jallow on . Posted in Da'wah - Calling To Islam, Family & Women, Marriage (Nikkah), Morals and Manners - 'Akhlaaq', Purification of The Soul, Worship - 'Ibaadah'.

In The Name of Allaah, The Most Merciful, The Bestower of Mercy.

Allaah [The Exalted] said: [وَهُوَ الَّذِي خَلَقَ مِنَ الْمَاءِ بَشَرًا فَجَعَلَهُ نَسَبًا وَصِهْرًا وَكَانَ رَبُّكَ قَدِيرًا – And it is He Who has created man from water, and has appointed for him kindred by blood, and kindred by marriage. And your Lord is Ever All-Powerful to do what He will]. [Surah Al-Furqan. Aayah 54]

The Love Between Husband and Wife

Allaah (The Most High) said:

وَمِنْ آيَاتِهِ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُم مِّنْ أَنفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَاجًا لِّتَسْكُنُوا إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُم مَّوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً ۚ إِنَّ فِي ذَٰلِكَ لَآيَاتٍ لِّقَوْمٍ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ

And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect. [Surah Ar-Rum. Aayah 21]

Imaam As-Sadi [may Allaah have mercy upon him] stated: “In most cases, you will not find love in anyone similar to the love and mercy between a husband and wife”. [Tafseer As-Sadi]

The Messenger [peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him] said, “There is nothing like marriage for two who love one another” – Meaning, there is no bond like that bond between two people in marriage who love one another, for if they are married and love is present between them, it will increase in strength every day. (1)

Imaam Muhammad Ibn Saalih Al-Uthaymeen [may Allaah have mercy upon him] said: If a person says: “What will make a man love his wife and vice versa?” We say: Allaah has clarified this in His statement: [وَعَاشِرُوهُنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ – And live with them honourably]. [Surah An-Nisaa. Aayah 19] If every person lives with his wife honourably and vice versa, then love, a strong bond and a happy married life will be established. (2)

The Blessing of Gentleness In The Households

Jareer Ibn Abdullah [may Allaah be pleased with him] reported that the Prophet [peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him] said, “Verily, Allah [The Mighty and Majestic] rewards for gentleness that which He does not give insolence. If Allah loves a servant, He grants him the quality of gentleness. No household is deprived of kindness, except that they have been truly deprived”. (3)

Aa’Isha [may Allaah be pleased with her] narrated that Allaah’s Messenger [peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him] said to her, “O Aa’Isha! Be gentle, for indeed when Allaah wishes good for a household, He guides them to gentleness”. Al-Allaamah Zaid Bin Haadi Al-Mad’khali [may Allaah have mercy upon him] said, “This hadeeth contains proof regarding the fact that it is obligatory to give sincere advice and the first people one should give sincere advice is the members of the household- the wives, sons, daughters and others. Also this hadeeth contains proof regarding the virtue of gentleness in all affairs, for indeed gentleness is not found in any affair except that it beautifies it, and it is not removed from anything except that it damages it. On the other hand, the opposite of gentleness is warn against and it is the harshness that is applied in other than its rightful place, because its end result will be alienation and disharmony”. (4)

A Man’s Knowledge Regarding The Feelings of His Wife In different Situations, Whilst Sincere Love And Respect Is Maintained Between Them: https://salafidawahmanchester.com/2020/09/13/a-mans-knowledge-regarding-the-feelings-of-his-wife-in-different-situations-whilst-sincere-love-and-respect-is-maintained-between-them/

 

Satan hates the good relationship between husband and wife

Jaabir [may Allaah be pleased with him] narrated that Allaah’s Messenger [peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him]said: Iblis places his throne upon water; he then sends detachments [for creating dissension]; the nearer to him in rank are those who are most notorious in creating dissension. One of them comes and says: I did so and so. And he says: You have done nothing. Then one amongst them comes and says: I did not spare so and so until I sowed the seed of discord between a husband and a wife. The Satan goes near him and says: ‘You have done well. A’mash said: He then embraces him. [Saheeh Muslim. Number:2813]

Imaam Ibnul Qayyim [may Allaah have mercy upon him] stated: “And because of the fact that this bond (between husband and wife) is from the most beloved affairs to Allaah and His Messenger, it is from the most hated affairs to the enemy of Allaah [i.e. shaytaan]. Therefore he hastens to split two people who love another for the sake of Allaah”. (5)

Welcome O Noble daughters-in-law! Daughters of noble generous fathers and forbearing mothers who gave you in marriage to our sons. You’ve left beloved fathers, mothers, brothers and sisters to be in the company of our sons, therefore, it is incumbent upon us to welcome you with open arms and preserve you like precious pearls. May Allaah bless you for being another source of increased happiness and joy in our lives. We ask Allaah by His Greatest Name to grant you and our sons happiness, steadfastness, love and compassion Aameen.

And we say to our sons: your fathers are not infallible, therefore, never copy their mistakes in the name of manliness; rather, know that the Sunnah is the only source of happiness, success and upright conduct. Imaam Sufyaan Ibn Uyaynah [may Allaah have mercy upon him] used to say, “Indeed, the Messenger [peace and blessings of allaah be upon him] is the greatest criterion (i.e. amongst mankind and Jinn) and all affairs are presented to him (i.e. for judgement and judged) based on his manners, path and guidance; so whatever is in agreement with this is truth, and whatever is in opposition is falsehood”. (6)

Never copy our mistakes in the name of “My father used to do such and such” because success is not found in following fathers and forefathers upon error. May Allaah make you and your wives Mubaarak wherever you maybe Aameen.

[Ref 1: Reported by Imaam Ibn Maajah 2/153. Hadeeth Number: 1847. Declared Authentic by Imaam Albaanee in As-Saheehah 2/196. Sharh Sunan Ibn Maajah by As-Sindee (rahimahullaah)… Hadeeth Number 1847’ Book of Marriage- Chapter: The Excellence of Marriage]

[Ref 2: Fataawaa Noor Alad-Darb 6/29]

[Ref 3: Saheeh At-Targheeb. Number 2666]

[Ref 4: At-ta’leeqaat Al-Maleehah Alaa Silsilah Al-Ahaadeeth As-Saheehah. Vol 1 page 277. Slightly paraphrased]

[Ref 5: Rawdatul Muhibbeen. Page 188]

[Ref 6: Al-Jaami Li-Akhlaaq Ar-Raawi Wa Aadaab As-Saami’  page 8]

 

Love and Affection Are Not Synonymous With Desire For Sexual Relations

Written by Abdullah Jallow on . Posted in Contemporary Issues, Family & Women, Marriage (Nikkah), Morals and Manners - 'Akhlaaq', Pearls of Wisdom, Purification of The Soul, Scholars of Islam, Sin, Worship - 'Ibaadah'.

In The Name of Allaah, The Most Merciful, The Bestower of Mercy

Looking at The One Proposed For Marriage

Abu Hurayrah [may Allaah be pleased with him] said, “I was with the Prophet [peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him] when a man came and told him that he had married a woman of the Ansaar. Allaah’s Messenger [peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him] said to him, ‘Have you seen her?’ He said, ‘No’. He said, ‘Go and look at her, because there is something in the eyes of the Ansaar’”. [Saheeh Muslim. Number 1424]

Regarding the statement, “Because there is something in the eyes of the Ansaar”, Imaam An-Nawawi [may Allaah have mercy upon him] said, “It is said that the intent behind this is Small-eyed and it is said that it is Bleary-eyed”. (1)

Mughirah Bin Shubah [may Allaah be pleased with him] said, “I came to the Prophet [peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him] and told him of a woman to whom I had to propose marriage. He said, ‘Go and look at her, because that is more likely to create love between you.’ So, I went to a woman among the Ansar and proposed marriage through her parents. I told them what the Prophet had said, and it was as if they did not like that. Then I heard that woman behind her curtain, saying, ‘If the Messenger of Allah has told you to do that, then do it, otherwise I adjure you by Allah (not to do so)’. And it was as if she regarded that as a serious matter. So I looked at her and married her.” And he (Mugheerah) mentioned how well he got along with her. (2)

After seeing the one you want to marry and decide to go ahead because she is beautiful in your eyes as beauty is in the eye of the beholder, then ask Allaah sincerely to place genuine love, compassion, mercy and respect between you, as Allaah [The Most High] said:

وَمِنْ آيَاتِهِ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُم مِّنْ أَنفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَاجًا لِّتَسْكُنُوا إلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُم مَّوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً إنَّ فِي ذَلِكَ لآيَاتٍ لِّقَوْمٍ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ

And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect. [Surah Ar-Rum. Aayah 21]

Allaah [The Exalted] said: [وَٱلَّذِينَ يَقُولُونَ رَبَّنَا هَبۡ لَنَا مِنۡ أَزۡوَٲجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّـٰتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعۡيُنٍ۬ وَٱجۡعَلۡنَا لِلۡمُتَّقِينَ إِمَامًا – And those who say: Our Lord! Bestow on us from our wives and our offspring who will be the comfort of our eyes, and make us leaders for the pious]. [Surah Al-Furqaan. Aayah 74]

Imaam Ibnul Qayyim [may Allaah have mercy upon him] said, “They ask Allaah to grant them the comfort of the eye by making their wives and offspring obedient to Allaah, and to grant them happiness in their hearts due to being followed by the righteous in obedience and servitude to Allaah. That is because a trustworthy leader in the religion co-operates upon obedience (to Allaah and His Messenger), and that is to call to (sound) leadership in the religion, whose foundation is patience and certainty, as Allaah [The Most High] said:

[ وَجَعَلۡنَا مِنۡہُمۡ أَٮِٕمَّةً۬ يَہۡدُونَ بِأَمۡرِنَا لَمَّا صَبَرُواْ‌ۖ وَڪَانُواْ بِـَٔايَـٰتِنَا يُوقِنُونَ – And We made from among them (Children of Israel), leaders, giving guidance under Our Command, when they were patient and used to believe with certainty in Our Ayat (proofs, evidences, verses, lessons, signs, revelations, etc.). Therefore, in their supplication -[in Surah Al-Furqaan Ayah 74]- to Allaah that He makes them leaders of the righteous people, is that Allaah guides them, grants them success, bless them with beneficial knowledge and righteous actions- outwardly and inwardly – without which (sound) leadership in the religion cannot be achieved”. (3)

Marriage is not lust and the woman is not just pleasure and enjoyment – By Shaikh Abdul Azeez Aala Shaikh [may Allaah preserve him]

The noble Sheikh, the Mufti of the committee of major scholars in Saudi Arabia, Sheikh Abdul Aziz ibn Abdullah Aali Shiekh declared that marriage is not just about lust and fulfilling the desires rather it is security and living together and stability.

And the noble Sheikh said: Some of the Muslims have an incorrect understanding about marriage, understanding it in a way other than its reality. Some of them have an understanding that marriage is simply about fulfilling their desires, so although they might implement the legislated marriage contract, their intention with this marriage is not stability nor commitment rather he marries and in himself he is planning to divorce her, meaning he knows in himself that he will marry her for a specific time period even if he does not mention this or disclose this.

So he marries her due to his desire for her not to have serenity and peace of mind with her, but he only counts her as just a simple pleasure; so he’s always on the verge of divorcing her and bringing in someone other than her. So he is a husband and at the same time he mixes this with the intention of divorce. And he does not want from the woman anything other than pleasure.

This is deception to the woman and dishonesty and misleading her; and if a man came to his daughter or his sister and he knew that he did not want her except for this purpose he would not allow him to marry her, but when it comes to other peoples daughters he does whatever he wants.

And all of this is from deception and dishonesty and fraud and betrayal. And for this reason Islam has prohibited temporary marriage; and this is to marry for an estimated number of days for an agreed upon specific duration. Therefore this was made impermissible due to the harms that it contains.

And the Sheikh said: So what the person does not like for his daughters then he should not like it for the daughters of the Muslims.

And the Sheikh said: And some of the people might travel to places in order to find marriage for a specific number of days or months and he thinks this is a marriage contract and all of this is trivial to him, so he falls into sin.

And there are some who marry a number of women before (the other women he divorced) finish their waiting period. So he will merge the marriage to more than ten women in one month without any concern for the Islamic legislated contract.

And the Mufti said: The Muslim must have good judgment and he should not let his goal be to fulfill his desire in a way that is not in accordance with the Islamic legislation. And he must adorn himself with the manners of Islam, and he must look at other peoples daughters just like he looks at his own daughters and his own sisters, and he should put people in the position that he likes to be in.

Therefore if the person believes it allowable to do evil to the daughters of others and to not comply with the Islamic standard and then he does not want this same evil for his daughters; then why this discrepancy? Where is the balance, where is the justice?

Unfortunately, there are some Muslims who make permissible that which Allah has made impermissible so in a matter of days they marry a number of women, all with the intention of divorce, seeking by this to gain some benefit (from the wife) in the summer or the winter or other than this, and Islam prohibits this. Therefore Islam wants for us to be well-balanced in our contracts and to put others in the position of our daughters and our sisters and to be truthful in our dealings.

And the Sheikh said: And some of them go and travel and get married against the normal system and then they fall into sin or serious situations and perhaps they might abandon their wives or leave them and not return to them after they have become pregnant or given birth to his child, so this exposes the Muslim descendants to danger. And some of them dont care about their wives or their children so major problems occur as a result of this treacherous marriage. (4)

The Perils of Unrestrained Desires

Imaam Ibnul Jawzi [may Allaah have mercy upon him] said: know that (unrestrained or forbidden) desires urges a person towards immediate pleasures without him pondering upon its evil consequences- urges him towards short-lived pleasures, even though it is a cause of pain and harm in this life and a barrier to pleasure in the afterlife. As for a sensible person, he keeps away from pleasures whose result will be pain and those desires whose end result will be regret. This is enough as praise regarding what sound intellect necessitates and a rebuke against uncontrolled desires.

A sensible person should know that those who are addicted to lowly desires reach a state in which they no longer enjoy themselves, but at the same time they are unable to abandon those desires, because it becomes as if it is a necessity of life. And due to this, you’ll find that alcoholics and sex addicts do not even enjoy a tenth of those desires, but they put themselves in a perilous situation that compels them to keep on returning to the act. However, if- based on clear-sightedness- the (false) beautification of those lowly desires cease, a person realise that he has exposed himself to some ruin that is contrary to wellbeing, a situation of grief instead of happiness, whilst seeking after pleasure; so, he resembles an animal that was led to a trap- neither reached the thing that was utilised to lure it into the trap nor is it able to escape. A person should ponder upon the fact that a human being was not created to fulfil desires; rather he was facilitated (with sound knowledge based on the divine revelation and uncorrupted perception) to reflect on the consequences of his actions and perform righteous deeds for the Afterlife. An animal receives pleasure through eating, drinking and sex much more than a human being, whilst living a life devoid of reflection and concern. Therefore, it is drawn towards its desires due to being ignorant of the outcomes of its actions (i.e. it does not possess the knowledge given to humans through sound reasoning and reflection guided by the divine revelation). (5)

Imaam Ibnul Qayyim [may Allaah have mercy upon him] said: Whoever is given strength and facilitated (with the means) to something, his pleasure will be found in utilising that strength. Whoever is granted the strength to have sexual relations, he will find pleasure in utilising his strength in it. Whoever is given strength to become angry and overcome (others), he will utilise the strength of his anger to (obtain what he desires). Whoever is given the strength to eat and drink, his pleasure will be found in utilising his strength in (eating and drinking). Whoever is given the strength to (pursue) knowledge and understanding, his pleasure will be found in utilising his strength and directing it towards knowledge. Whoever is given strength in (having) love for Allaah, turning to Allaah in repentance, submission and obedience, being devoted to Allaah (sincerely with one’s) heart, having an ardent desire (to please, obey and meet Allaah) and (desiring to come close to Allaah, be recognised and loved by Allaah etc), he will find his pleasure and bliss in utilising this strength in that. All these pleasures will dwindle and disappear, except this one (i.e. love of Allaah etc). (6)

[Ref 1: Sharh Saheeh Muslim. Vol 9. page 179. Publisher. Dar Kutub Al-Ilmiyyah. 1st Edition 1421AH (Year 2000)]

[Ref 2: Saheeh Ibn Maajah 1866]

[Ref 3: An Excerpt from ‘Ar-Rooh’ pages 487-489. slightly paraphrased]

[Ref 4: http://www.salafitalk.net/st/viewmessages.cfm?Forum=29&Topic=6408

[Ref 5: An Excerpt from Dhammul Hawaa’ pages 36-38. Slightly paraphrased]

[Ref 6: Al-Fawaa’id 121-122. Slightly paraphrased]

NEW VIDEO! Is It Permissible To Take From One’s Wife’s Wealth Without Her Knowledge? – Shaykh Fawzaan

Written by Salafi Dawah Manchester on . Posted in Family & Women, Fatawa-Rulings, Marriage (Nikkah), Sin, Video.

 

Question: My friend takes [money] from his wife's wages, without her knowledge. Considering, he does not work and his wife does not spend on the house because of her love for money. He asks, [given] that he only takes enough to spend on household expenses, is this action of his permissible?

Watch the full video for the Shaykh's answer!

 

Links 🔗 from Video – salafidawahmanchester.com/Online – Online Quran Lessons Salafischool.co.uk/online – Online Full Day Classes – TuitionClub.org/Online

 

The Best of Our Women and The Worst of Them!

Written by Salafi Dawah Manchester on . Posted in Family & Women, Marriage (Nikkah), Morals and Manners - 'Akhlaaq', Pearls of Wisdom, Purification of The Soul, Worship - 'Ibaadah'.

In The Name of Allaah, The Most Merciful, The Bestower of Mercy.

Abu Udhaynah [may Allaah be pleased with him] reported that Allaah’s Messenger [peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him] said, “The best of your women are the Al-Wadood, Al-Walood (1), the Al-Muwaatiyatu and Al-Muwaasiyatu if they fear Allah. The worst of your women are the Al-Mutabarrijaat and the Mutakhayyilaat, and they are hypocrites. None of them will enter Paradise except as rarely as you see a red-beaked crow”. [Silsilah As-Saheehah. Number 1849]

“The best of your women are the Al-Walood”. Al-Manaawee [may Allaah have mercy upon him] said, “Meaning, they bear many children”. “Al-Wadood”, meaning, “Loving (and beloved) to her husbands”. “Al-Muwaatiyatu and Al-Muwaasiyatu”– meaning, “Live in harmony with the husband”. “If they fear Allaah” (1.2)- meaning, “They fear and obey Allaah”.

“The worst of your women are the unveiled”– Meaning, “Those who display their beauty to strange men”. (2) “The Mutakhayyilaat”– meaning, “Amazed with themselves and haughty”. “They are hypocrites”, meaning, “They resemble hypocrites”. “None of them will enter Paradise, except as rarely as you a red-beaked crow”– meaning, “The one that is white-winged or with two white legs. What is intended is that few of them will enter paradise, because this description regarding crows is precious due to its (rarity)”. (3) [At-Tayseer Bi-Sharh Al-Jaami As-Sagheer 1/532]

Footnote 1: Allaah is the one Who decides the number of children one will have. Allaah said:

لِّلَّهِ مُلۡكُ ٱلسَّمَـٰوَٲتِ وَٱلۡأَرۡضِ‌ۚ يَخۡلُقُ مَا يَشَآءُ‌ۚ يَہَبُ لِمَن يَشَآءُ إِنَـٰثً۬ا وَيَهَبُ لِمَن يَشَآءُ ٱلذُّكُورَ
أَوۡ يُزَوِّجُهُمۡ ذُكۡرَانً۬ا وَإِنَـٰثً۬ا‌ۖ وَيَجۡعَلُ مَن يَشَآءُ عَقِيمًا‌ۚ إِنَّهُ ۥ عَلِيمٌ۬ قَدِيرٌ۬

To Allah belongs the kingdom of the heavens and the earth. He creates what He wills. He bestows female (offspring) upon whom He wills, and bestows male (offspring) upon whom He wills. Or He bestows both males and females, and He renders barren whom He wills. Verily, He is the All-Knower and is Able to do all things. [Surah Ash-Shurah. Aayaat 49-50]

Read: Family: [The Number of Children We Want, Giving The Wife a Break to Recover Properly Before The Birth of Another Child etc] – By Imaam Abdul Azeez Bin Baaz: https://salafidawahmanchester.com/2020/01/07/family-the-number-of-children-we-want-giving-the-wife-a-break-to-recover-properly-before-the-birth-of-another-child-etc-by-shaikh-abdul-azeez-bin-baaz/

https://abukhadeejah.com/birth-control-using-contraception-gaps-between-children/
https://abukhadeejah.com/fertility-issues-and-contraception-in-islam-the-choice-to-have-children-ethics-1-6/

 

Footnote 1.2: Allaah’s Messenger [peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him] said, “The most complete of believers in faith are those with the best character, and the best of you are the best (in good behavior) to their women”. [At-Tirmidhee 1162]

A Man’s Knowledge Regarding The Feelings of His Wife In different Situations, Whilst Sincere Love And Respect Is Maintained Between: https://salafidawahmanchester.com/2020/09/13/a-mans-knowledge-regarding-the-feelings-of-his-wife-in-different-situations-whilst-sincere-love-and-respect-is-maintained-between-them/

 

Footnote 2: Mind map illustration showing the mahrams (male chaperones) of a woman for travel and sittings- By Shaikh Abu Khadeejah: https://abukhadeejah.com/mind-map-illustration-showing-the-mahrams-male-chaperones-of-a-woman-for-travel-and-sittings/

 

Footnote 3: Allaah [The Exalted] said: [إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ لَا يَغۡفِرُ أَن يُشۡرَكَ بِهِۦ وَيَغۡفِرُ مَا دُونَ ذَٲلِكَ لِمَن يَشَآءُ‌ۚ – Verily, Allah forgives not that partners should be set up with him in worship, but He forgives except that (anything else) to whom He pleases]. [Surah An-Nisaa. Verse 48]

Imaam Abdul Azeez Bin Baaz [may Allaah have mercy upon him] said:

والخلاصة أن من مات على الشرك لا يغفر له، والجنة عليه حرام، من عرب وعجم، ومن جن وإنس، ومن مات على ما دون الشرك من المعاصي، فهو تحت مشيئة الله خلافًا للمعتزلة والخوارج

In summary, whoever dies in a state of Shirk (i.e. Shirk Akbar) will not be forgiven, and Paradise is forbidden for him, amongst the Arabs and non-Arabs, the Jinn and humans. And whoever dies in state of (major) sin lesser than Shirk, then he is under the will of Allaah….

https://binbaz.org.sa/fatwas/18158/%D9%85%D8%A7-%D9%85%D8%B9%D9%86%D9%89-%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%A7%D9%84%D9%84%D9%87-%D9%84%D8%A7-%D9%8A%D8%BA%D9%81%D8%B1-%D8%A7%D9%86-%D9%8A%D8%B4%D8%B1%D9%83-%D8%A8%D9%87

Do Not Be Disheartened When a Marriage Proposal is Declined After You’ve Employed all The Legislated Means

Written by Abdullah Jallow on . Posted in Contemporary Issues, Family & Women, Marriage (Nikkah), Morals and Manners - 'Akhlaaq', Pearls of Wisdom, Purification of The Soul, Worship - 'Ibaadah'.

In The Name of Allaah, The Most Merciful, The Bestower of Mercy.

Jaabir Bin Abdillaah [may Allaah be pleased with him and his father] said, ”Allaah’s Messenger [peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him] used to teach us the way of doing Istikhaarah (i.e. the means to ask Allah to guide one to the right action concerning any job or a deed) in all matters as he taught us the Suras of the Qur’an. He said, ‘If anyone of you wants to do any task [i.e. wants to decide on a matter], he should offer a two rak`ats other than the compulsory ones and say (after the prayer):

اللَّهُمَّ إِنِّي أَسْتَخِيرُكَ بِعِلْمِكَ وَأَسْتَقْدِرُكَ بِقُدْرَتِكَ وَأَسْأَلُكَ مِنْ فَضْلِكَ الْعَظِيمِ فَإِنَّكَ تَقْدِرُ وَلَا أَقْدِرُ وَتَعْلَمُ وَلَا أَعْلَمُ وَأَنْتَ عَلَّامُ الْغُيُوبِ اللَّهُمَّ إِنْ كُنْتَ تَعْلَمُ أَنَّ هَذَا الْأَمْرَ خَيْرٌ لِي فِي دِينِي وَمَعَاشِي وَعَاقِبَةِ أَمْرِي فَاقْدُرْهُ لِي وَيَسِّرْهُ لِي ثُمَّ بَارِكْ لِي فِيهِ وَإِنْ كُنْتَ تَعْلَمُ أَنَّ هَذَا الْأَمْرَ شَرٌّ لِي فِي دِينِي وَمَعَاشِي وَعَاقِبَةِ أَمْرِي فَاصْرِفْهُ عَنِّي وَاصْرِفْنِي عَنْهُ وَاقْدُرْ لِي الْخَيْرَ حَيْثُ كَانَ ثُمَّ أَرْضِنِي

O Allaah! I seek Your guidance through Your Knowledge, and I seek Power from Your Might, and I ask for Your great blessings. You are capable and I am not. You know and I do not, and You (alone) know the unseen. O Allah! If You know that this task (or affair) is good for my religion and my subsistence and in my Hereafter- (or said, ‘If it is better for my present and later needs), then You ordain it for me and make it easy for me to get, and then bless me in it. And if You know that this task (affair) is harmful to me in my religion and subsistence and in the Hereafter- (or said, ‘If it is worse for my present and later needs’), then keep it away from me and let me be away from it. And ordain for me whatever is good for me, and make me satisfied with it.’ The Prophet [peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him] added that then the person should mention his (or her) need [i.e. the affair or task]. [Bukhaari: 1162]

After Istikhaarah, one also seeks the advice of upright people, who are able give advice in the affair. Al-Hasan al-Basree [may Allaah have mercy upon him] said, “By Allaah! Never have a people sought advice except that they were guided to the best of what was available to them.” Then he recited [ And (the Believers) who (conduct) their affairs by mutual consultation]. [Surah Ash-Shurah. Ayah 38]

Al-Allaamah Zayd Bin Haadi [may Allaah have mercy upon him] said: When a difficulty that is related to a Muslim’s religious and worldly affairs occurs, it is befitting that he consults someone whom he considers reliable, wise, truthful and sincere. He examines (the advice) given by that person, then he makes a choice – either to take that advice or decides not to take it based on what he is satisfied with, in relation to his personal affairs. The narration places emphasis on the fact that consultation guides to the best outcomes, and due to this it is said, “The one who consults does not regret (thereafter InShaaAllaah) and the one who performs Istikhaarah will not fail (to achieve what is good for him or her).” Both Istikhaarah and consultation are legislated and a lot of good is achieved by way of them, as opposed to when affairs are pursued in a rigid and haphazard manner, for indeed this might lead to regret and harm. (1)

The One Consulted Must Fear Allaah: Abu Hurairah [may Allaah be pleased with him] said that the Messenger [peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him] said, “The consultee is in a position of trust]. [Saheeh Sunan Abee Dawud. Number 5128]

The consultee is the one whose opinion is sought after regarding an affair of Maslahah [i.e. an affair that will bring about benefit and repel harm]. He is in a position of trust with regards to what he is asked, and it is not permissible for him to deceive the one who consults him by concealing the affair that would bring about benefit. (2)

This hadeeth is evidence, showing that the consultee must (advise) with the course of action and opinion -in relation to the consultation – that which he would do for himself. And it is not permissible that he directs his Muslim brother to something he would not be pleased with for himself. (3)

After you have employed all the legislated means and consulted the best people regarding the affair, then do not be disheartened or disappointed, because only Allaah knows the beginning and end of all affairs – hidden and apparent. Allaah said:

وَعَسَىٰٓ أَن تَكۡرَهُواْ شَيۡـًٔ۬ا وَهُوَ خَيۡرٌ۬ لَّڪُمۡ‌ۖ وَعَسَىٰٓ أَن تُحِبُّواْ شَيۡـًٔ۬ا وَهُوَ شَرٌّ۬ لَّكُمۡ‌ۗ وَٱللَّهُ يَعۡلَمُ وَأَنتُمۡ لَا تَعۡلَمُونَ

And it may be that you dislike a thing which is good for you and that you like a thing which is bad for you. Allah knows but you do not know.” [AI-Baqarah. Verse 216]

Imaam Ibnul Qayyim [may Allaah have mercy upon him] said:

There is for the servant -in this verse – a number of insightful guidelines, underlying benefits and welfare, because indeed if he knows that Al-Makrooh (what is disliked) can bring forth Al-Mahboob (i.e. what is beloved), and vice versa, then neither would he feel safe from the harm that might occur from something that makes him happy nor would he lose hope whilst expecting a final source of happiness from a situation of harm. That is because he does not have (infinite or perfect) knowledge of the Awaaqib (i.e. the final outcomes), but Allaah knows that which he does not know.

The servant should hand over his affair to the One (Allaah) who knows – (perfectly without anything hidden from Him)- the end result of affairs. He should be pleased with what Allaah chooses and decrees for him because of the good end result he hopes for.

Neither should he make suggestions to his Lord nor put forward his choice over that of his Lord, nor does he ask for something about which he has no knowledge, because it maybe that what will bring about harm and destruction on him is found in what he asks, whilst he does not know. Therefore, he does not choose anything over what his Lord chooses; rather he asks his Lord to choose the best for him and make him pleased with what has been chosen for him, because there is nothing more beneficial for him than this.

When he hands over his affair to his Lord and is pleased with what has been chosen for him, his Lord facilitates him with strength, determination and patience in that which has been chosen for him; repel the afflictions he would have encountered due to the choice he makes and show him some of the good end results of the choice his Lord made for him, which could not have been attained through the choice he makes for himself.

If he is pleased with Allaah’s choice, then what has been decreed will come to him, whilst he is deserving of commendation and graceful in it; otherwise, what has been decreed will come to him while he is blameworthy and ungraceful, because he is left with the choice he made for himself. (4)

Finally, let us ponder upon this story that will teach us a lesson regarding the fact that we should always be pleased with Allaah’s decree if the one we desired to marry chooses someone else, because only Allaah knows the end result of affairs. Ibn Abbaas [may Allaah be pleased with him and his father] said, “Barira’s [may Allaah be pleased with her] husband was a slave called Mughith [may Allaah be pleased with him], as if I am seeing him now, going behind Barira and weeping with his tears flowing down his beard. The Prophet [peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him] said to `Abbas, “O `Abbas! Are you not astonished at the love of Mughith for Barira and the hatred of Barira for Mughith?” The Prophet then said to Barira, “Why don’t you return to him?” She said, “O Allah’s Messenger! Do you order me to do so?” He said, “No, I only intercede for him.” She said, “I am not in need of him.” (5)

[Ref 1: Awnul Ahadis Samad, Sharh Al-Adab Al-Mufrad. Vol 1. Hadeeth Number 256. page 283]

[Ref 2: Mirqaat Al-Mafaateeh Sharh Mishkaat Al-Masaabeeh. Vol 4. Hadeeth 5062. page 259]

[Ref 3: Awnul Ahadis Samadi, Sharhu Al-Adab AlMufrad. Vol 1. Hadeeth Number 256. page 283]

[Ref 4: Al-Fawaa’id. page 204. slightly paraphrased]

[Ref 5: Sahih al-Bukhari 5283]

 

 

Marrying a Much Younger Woman!

Written by Abdullah Jallow on . Posted in Contemporary Issues, Family & Women, Marriage (Nikkah), Morals and Manners - 'Akhlaaq', Pearls of Wisdom, Purification of The Soul, Scholars of Islam, Worship - 'Ibaadah'.

In The Name of Allaah, The Most Merciful, The Bestower of Mercy.

Imaam Al-Bukhaaree [may Allaah have mercy upon him] said, “Chapter: To Marry Virgins”. Aa’isha [may Allaah be pleased with her] said, “I said,’O Allaah’s Messenger! Suppose you landed in a valley where there is a tree of which something has been eaten and then you found trees of which nothing has been eaten, of which tree would you let your camel graze?’ He said, ‘I will let my camel graze of the one of which nothing has been eaten before'”. The sub narrator added, “Aisha meant that Allaah’s Messenger had not married a virgin besides herself”. [Saheeh Al-Bukhaaree. Number 5077]

Imaam Abdul Azeez Bin Baaz [may Allaah haver mercy upon him] stated, “In this is an encouragement to marry a virgin, because she has not been put to any trial by the people and this is more likely to (bring about) harmony between her and her husband, except when the need calls for other than that”. (1)

Imaam Al-Bukhaaree [may Allaah have mercy upon him] said, “Chapter: The Marrying off a Young Lady to An Elderly Man”. Urwa [may Allaah be pleased with him] reported that the Prophet [peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him] asked AbuBakr [may Allaah be pleased with him] for Aisha’s hand in marriage. AbuBakr said, “But I am your brother”. The Prophet said, “You are my brother in Allaah’s Religion and His Book, but she (Aisha) is lawful for me to marry”. [Saheeh Al-Bukhaaree. Number 5081]

Imaam Abdul Azeez Bin Baaz [may Allaah have mercy upon him] said, “This shows that brotherhood for Allaah’s Sake and friendship does not prevent (a person from marrying the daughter of his friend). What is forbidden for a brother is to marry (those) relatives forbidden for him”. (2)

Buy this book: Customs of marriage in history, English kings, Islam-haters, far-right nationalist groups and the modern-day interest in pedophilia (68 pages) is now available: http://www.prophetmuhammad.name/pages/yb-donate-books-for-distribution.cfm

Finally, one must be acquainted with Marriage in the UK at present. The age specified for marriage in England and Wales is 18, whether the marriage is registered at a local council or not. Facilitating marriages below this age or doing so abroad could face jail or fines. Therefore, do not engage in anything regarding this affair and thus open a door of great trial for yourself and others.

[Ref 1: Al-Hulalul Ibreeziyyah Min At-Taleeqaat Al-baaziyyah Alaa Saheeh Al-Bukhaaree Volume 4; Hadith Number: 5077; Footnote:3]
[Ref 2: Al-Hulalul Ibreeziyyah Min At-Taleeqaat Al-baaziyyah Alaa Saheeh Al-Bukhaaree Volume 4. Footnote Number:1]

Marriage First or Seeking Knowledge First? [Al-Allaamah Rabee Bin Haadee’s Advice]

Written by Salafi Dawah Manchester on . Posted in Contemporary Issues, Da'wah - Calling To Islam, Family & Women, Fatawa-Rulings, Marriage (Nikkah), Morals and Manners - 'Akhlaaq', Pearls of Wisdom, Purification of The Soul, Scholars of Islam, Seeking Knowledge, Worship - 'Ibaadah'.

In The Name of Allaah, The Most Merciful, The Bestower of Mercy.

Al-Allaamah Rabee Bin Haadi Al-Madkhalee [may Allaah preserve him] said: If you are able to exercise patience and seek knowledge, then exercise patience- meaning, study before getting married, just as Umar [radiyallaahu-anhu] said that “Some people might be prevented from [seeking] knowledge due to marriage’’. So, when he gets married, he abandons seeking knowledge and becomes relaxed, and tires himself [i.e. it becomes difficult for him to combine  family responsibilities and seeking knowledge at the same time]. But if he has the ability to combine the Maslahatayn [i.e. the benefits of marriage and seeking knowledge], then that is good, [as long as] he does not consider himself as one who will commit wicked deeds and fornicate; [for] if this is the case, then -by Allaah- it becomes more obligatory on him to get married to protect himself and guard his chastity. http://www.rabee.net/ar/questions.php?cat=51&id=623 paraphrased. Your feedback is welcome to improve the content of this article Baarakallaahu Feekum

Why Was Shaikhul Islaam Ibn Taymiyyah (rahimahullaah) Unmarried throughout His Life? Al-Allaamah Saaleh Al-Fawzaan [hafidhahullaah] clarifies

Why Was Shaikhul Islaam Ibn Taymiyyah (rahimahullaah) Unmarried throughout His Life? Shaikh Saaleh Al-Fawzaan clarifies – salafidawahmanchester.com/

 

Part 1: Bias Writer Disapproves of Men Who Are Married to More Than One Woman, But Suggests Illegal Sexual Intercourse to Muslim Men! [A Brief Gentle Response Before a Possible Stern Rebuttal]

Written by Abdullah Jallow on . Posted in Da'wah - Calling To Islam, Family & Women, Marriage (Nikkah), Morals and Manners - 'Akhlaaq', Pearls of Wisdom, Purification of The Soul, Qur'aan, Refutations, Worship - 'Ibaadah'.

In The Name of Allaah, The Most Merciful, The Bestower of Mercy.

Allaah [The Mighty and Majestic] said:

إِنَّ هَـٰذَا ٱلۡقُرۡءَانَ يَہۡدِى لِلَّتِى هِىَ أَقۡوَمُ

Verily, this Qur’an guides to that which is most just and right. [Surah Al-Israa. Aayah 9]

Imaam Muhammad Al-Ameen Bin Muhammad Al-Mukhtaar Ash-Shanqeeti [rahimahullaah] said:

And from the guidance of the Qur’aan to that which is most just and right is that it allows [a man to marry] four wives; but if the man fears that he cannot be just between them, then he is to restrict himself to one or those whom his right hand possesses, as Allaah (The Most High) stated:

وَإِنۡ خِفۡتُمۡ أَلَّا تُقۡسِطُواْ فِى ٱلۡيَتَـٰمَىٰ فَٱنكِحُواْ مَا طَابَ لَكُم مِّنَ ٱلنِّسَآءِ مَثۡنَىٰ وَثُلَـٰثَ وَرُبَـٰعَ‌ۖ فَإِنۡ خِفۡتُمۡ أَلَّا تَعۡدِلُواْ فَوَٲحِدَةً أَوۡ مَا مَلَكَتۡ أَيۡمَـٰنُكُمۡ‌ۚ ذَٲلِكَ أَدۡنَىٰٓ أَلَّا تَعُولُواْ

And if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly with the orphan- girls, then marry (other) women of your choice, two or three, or four but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one or (the captives and the slaves) that your right hands possess. [Surah An-Nisaa. Ayah:3]

No doubt the path that is the most just and right of paths is that which legitimizes for a man to have more than one wife due to the tangible affairs known to every sensible person. And from those affairs is that an individual woman menstruates, falls ill and contends with other hindrances that prevent her from fulfilling the more specific duties of marriage, whereas a man is readily prepared as a means to increasing the Ummah.

And from those affairs is that Allaah made it a common phenomenon that men are fewer in number than women in the various regions of the world and are more often exposed to the causes of death in all walks of life.  If a man were restricted to one wife, there would remain a great number of women deprived of marriage, so they [both men and women] will be strongly urged towards illegal sexual intercourse. Therefore, turning away from the guidance of the Qur’aan in this affair is one of the greatest causes of moral deprivation. It is (one of the greatest causes) of being lowered to the level of animals due to a lack of safeguarding chastity, preservation of nobility, good moral conduct and manners. So Glorified and Exalted is (Allaah) above all that evil they associate with Him, The All-Wise, Well-Acquainted with all things.  Allaah said:

الٓر‌ۚ كِتَـٰبٌ أُحۡكِمَتۡ ءَايَـٰتُهُ ۥ ثُمَّ فُصِّلَتۡ مِن لَّدُنۡ حَكِيمٍ خَبِيرٍ

‘(This is) a Book, the verses whereof are perfected (in every sphere of knowledge), and then explained in detail from One (Allaah), Who is All-Wise, Well-Acquainted (with all things)’ [Surah Hood. Ayah 1]

And from those affairs is that women are all readily prepared for marriage, whereas many men do not have the ability to fulfil the requirements of marriage due to poverty.  Those prepared for marriage amongst men are fewer than those amongst women. A woman is not hindered whereas a man is hindered by poverty and the ability to fulfil the requirements of marriage. If a man were restricted to one woman, many women prepared for marriage would have missed the opportunity for marriage. This would become a cause for loss of virtue, (a means to) depravation and moral decadence, and the opportunity to preserve the human race would be lost.

So if a man fears that he will not be able to deal justly between the wives, then it is incumbent upon him to restrict himself to one or to those whom his right hand possesses; because Allaah has stated:

إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ يَأۡمُرُ بِٱلۡعَدۡلِ وَٱلۡإِحۡسَـٰنِ

Verily, Allaah enjoins justice and kind treatment. [Surah Nahl. Aayah 90]

It is not permissible to incline towards giving preferential (treatment) with regards to the rights given by the divine law to each of the wives due to the saying of Allaah:

وَلَن تَسۡتَطِيعُوٓاْ أَن تَعۡدِلُواْ بَيۡنَ ٱلنِّسَآءِ وَلَوۡ حَرَصۡتُمۡ‌ۖ فَلَا تَمِيلُواْ ڪُلَّ ٱلۡمَيۡلِ فَتَذَرُوهَا كَٱلۡمُعَلَّقَةِ

You will never be able to do perfect justice between wives [regarding what is hidden in your heart as to who amongst them you love the most] even if it is your ardent desire, so do not incline too much to one of them [by giving her more of your time and provision] so as to leave the other hanging [i.e. neither divorced nor being given the rights due to her]. [Surah An-Nisaa. Aayah: 129]

As for the natural inclination towards loving some of them more than others, the human being is not able to prevent this because it is an emotional (affair) and the soul’s desire, but it is not something that is acted upon [i.e. leads to injustice]. This is what is intended by Allaah’s statement:

وَلَن تَسۡتَطِيعُوٓاْ أَن تَعۡدِلُواْ بَيۡنَ ٱلنِّسَآءِ

You will never be able to do perfect justice between wives. [Surah Nisaa; Ayah: 129]

The claim of some of the disbelievers amongst the enemies of Islaam is that to have more than one wife necessitates constant argumentation and disagreement which ends up in a life of misery, because whenever one of the wives is pleased the other is angered, so the two (wives) are always in displeasure and this is not wisdom.

This (above statement of some of the disbelievers) is a worthless statement whose worthlessness is clear to every sensible person. That is because argument and disagreement between individual members of a family does not cease, because it takes place between a man and his mother, father, children and his only wife. It is a common affair of no great concern alongside the overriding tremendous benefits of marrying more than one woman, such as safeguarding women, facilitating marriage for them and increasing the number of the Ummah so that they can stand firm against the enemies of Islaam in every affair; and an overriding tremendous benefit takes precedence over prevention of a small harm. [Ref 1]

Imaam Abdul Azeez Bin Baaz [rahimahullaah] said:

If a person marries (several women) in order to protect himself from (Zina) and to increase in numbers of children, then there is no problem in this. However, it should not be for the (purpose) of playing around. [Ref 2]

Finally: Who are those whom your right hand possess?

Listen to audio here by Shaikh Abdul Waahid Abu Khadeejah [hafidhahullaah]:

https://video.link/w/Qbaub

https://video.link/w/lUZtb

 

[Ref 1. An Excerpt from Tafseerul Qur’aan Bil Qur’aan Min Adwaa Al-Bayaan. Pages 428-429. Slightly paraphrased]

[Ref 2: Al-Hulalul Ibreeziyyah Min At-Taleeqaat Al-baaziyyah Alaa Saheeh Al-Bukhaaree Volume 4; Hadith Number:5069.  Footnote Number 3]